Apologies for the dramatic title... but everything feels wrong. So wrong, all of the time.
Everything is a worry. Day to day tasks, work, interacting with people, getting up in the morning, sleep, motivation, diet, bingeing, exercise, weight... drinking, self harm... loneliness and the future.
Today just feels like it's too much to cope with.
People (online) keep telling me I should go to my GP... but I can't, I just can't. I don't know what to say, how to answer "why", I can't speak any of this out loud to anyone.
I'm not particularly close to my family, I only have one friend IRL who has her own things to deal with... I don't want to be seen differently if I did talk to her... I have no one.
I miss how the internet used to be. I've been part of several internet communities in the past and it's all fading away... I miss messaging people and having multiple chats on the go at once, I miss feeling part of a community even if we were all misfits... But we were misfits together and we had a laugh and felt connected, we'd get up to silly things and it was fun. And it felt like real friendship.
No matter how rubbish real life was, there was always an online place to belong.
I don't belong anywhere any more.