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Emotionally Crippled By Voices

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daviddavid
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 10:59 am

Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby daviddavid » Tue May 09, 2017 11:20 am

Hello all,
I've never officially been diagnosed with a mental health problem because I feel too ashamed to see a doctor who might call me a psycho or whatever, but this is my story.

After suffering with an obsession of washing my hands several dozen times a day, which I still deal with to this day, once my grandmother died I began to hear voices. This was in 2013, and thats when my trouble began.

After some embarrassment I mentioned it to my partner, and she told me she would help me where she could. We never did any research or anything online, we just supported each other and carried on with it.

In the first quarter of 2015, I nearly lost a parent and was now making notes of these voices, what they said, how they made me feel etc and by the middle of 2015, I was going through several full note pads a week of what the voices said. I kept notes because after a week or two, I could say, "you won't beat me" and I had the act of binning these voices and getting on with my life, or so I thought.

Now, we are in 2017, and I don't know if I have OCD, Tourette's, Depression, whatever because the voices have been worse than ever since Christmas. I wake up with screaming, I go to sleep with screaming, I have 3 or 4 nightmares a night, assuming I even sleep at all.
The voices mock me, they taunt me, you name it, they call me it.
When I have broken down and cried, I have heard the screaming insults and abuse stop and hand on heart, I have heard 7 or 8 voices laughing at me.

The worst thing about all this is I have to fight with everything I have to now stop the voices, "coming out", which is why I mentioned tourette's syndrome. I am so worried I am going to be walking down the street, a voice will come out, the wrong person hears it then next thing you know I'm in some asylum labelled as a schizophrenic.

My self worth is now at rock bottom and I cannot do this with 'just' my partner's love and support.

I know IF I get any response at all here its going to be, "what on Earth are you asking us for? We aren't experts, get help you damn nutter!" but after 4 years of hearing voices screaming at me and having it control my life I cannot take much more and this I guess is my first step to trying to reach out for someone to help me other than my partner. Bless her she tries but she understands this even less than I do. I do intend to go to the doctor sooner rather than later but for now this is a start

Sorry for the ramble but no point opening up about things and only giving half a story

Cyprus
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby Cyprus » Tue May 09, 2017 11:28 pm

Hi David
It's great that you have reached out on here lots of people find it hard to ask for help I am one of them but have to say it was a relief to share the burden .
My gp was really supportive its great you have a supportive partner would she go to the gp with you x There are lots of reasons why people hear voices so I would try not to label yourself there will be people on here who will have been through the same as you hopefully can give you better advice take care cyprus

daviddavid
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 10:59 am

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby daviddavid » Wed May 10, 2017 1:27 pm

Cyprus wrote:Hi David
It's great that you have reached out on here lots of people find it hard to ask for help I am one of them but have to say it was a relief to share the burden .
My gp was really supportive its great you have a supportive partner would she go to the gp with you x There are lots of reasons why people hear voices so I would try not to label yourself there will be people on here who will have been through the same as you hopefully can give you better advice take care cyprus


Thank you for replying, its been a big first step for me to actually say "something isn't right here", to someone other than my partner.
Yes my partner will happily come with me to see the gp, i just felt that i'd be able to deal with the voices myself like i dealt with the compulsive hand washing before, but it has reached such a point that now i realise i have no choice in the matter, so thank you again

Cyprus
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby Cyprus » Wed May 10, 2017 4:43 pm

Good luck with visiting gp let's us know how u get on on
Just keep in mind if it's was something physical we wouldn't hasisate about see our gp x
I do understand how difficult it can be cyprus

daviddavid
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 10:59 am

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby daviddavid » Wed May 10, 2017 5:34 pm

Cyprus wrote:Good luck with visiting gp let's us know how u get on on
Just keep in mind if it's was something physical we wouldn't hasisate about see our gp x
I do understand how difficult it can be cyprus


Thats very true and I think more needs to be done to get out the message to people that if you need help, get it.

Cyprus
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby Cyprus » Thu May 11, 2017 7:39 pm

We could look at as if we are paving the way so that more people will be open up x take care cyprus x

daviddavid
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 10:59 am

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby daviddavid » Sun May 14, 2017 8:32 am

Quick update, I went to the doctor on Thursday and have been put on some mirtazapine tablets. I was told I would be referred for a mental health assessment within a week.
Friday I got a phone call at 4pm from the mental health people but was unable to take their call, was told they'd call back at 4:30pm.... finally got called back at 7pm.
After an assessment over the phone, (which my partner said I wasn't 'honest enough' in regards to HOW BAD the voices actually are), I've been referred to a psychiatrist and will find out when my appointment will be hopefully very soon.
So hopefully things will be on the up soon, nothings changed voices wise and the nightmares are still horrendously bad but we'll see

Cyprus
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby Cyprus » Sun May 14, 2017 11:17 pm

Hi David I am on mitrazpine hopefully now you will start to get some respite from the voices I think it takes time to be truely honest with people so be proud of yourself for taking the first steps on the road to recovery hope your appointment goes well take care cyprus

midspiper
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue May 02, 2017 2:33 am

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby midspiper » Mon May 15, 2017 4:59 pm

Hi David

I know your feelings all too well. An aspect of my problems is voices. Very intrusive, abusive, mocking and downright nasty. I also recognise how hard it is to talk about. Even with other MH problems, I still found it extremely difficult to open up about voices.
On the posititve side, not one person ever mocked, laughed or pointed at me once I finally did come clean.

Long term answers differ by individual, but more often than not, your voices are a representation of a person or experience from your past. It's essentially you talking to yourself although it feels like it's a completely external voice/transmission. I found talking therapy to be most effective because I was able to realise the root cause. Medication is important for control until you can get the upper hand. It does take a while to work but it does work although can be very sedating . I have a drug called Quetiapine which is commonly used for this but it really just eases enough for me to be able to address the issues my mind is screaming and laughing about.
I still have trouble with voices which for me, seems directly related to my current level of stress. I am starting therapy again to address the latest recurrence.

Anyway, just thought I'd share so you know it's more common than you think and you won't be locked up or anything sinister. You'll just begin going through various approaches, both pharmaceutical and therapeutic, until you find the right way for you.

Best of luck, don't give up or be hard on yourself about it. It happens.

Mark

personlessvoid
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:32 pm

Re: Emotionally Crippled By Voices

Postby personlessvoid » Mon May 15, 2017 5:23 pm

Hi David,
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. I suffered from psychosis (along with OCD, anxiety and depression) and it was horrendous, so I understand your anguish and pain.

Please speak to your GP about this. Talk to them about your symptoms and how long it's been happening for and they should be able to advise you on the best course of action. I was put on 50mg of Quetiapine (then increased to 150mg) and have only just stopped taking them and I can honestly say it saved my life.

You're not alone and you will get through this, please seek the help that you deserve
Personless Void

Fighting mental illness one step at a time!


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