I've never officially been diagnosed with a mental health problem because I feel too ashamed to see a doctor who might call me a psycho or whatever, but this is my story.
After suffering with an obsession of washing my hands several dozen times a day, which I still deal with to this day, once my grandmother died I began to hear voices. This was in 2013, and thats when my trouble began.
After some embarrassment I mentioned it to my partner, and she told me she would help me where she could. We never did any research or anything online, we just supported each other and carried on with it.
In the first quarter of 2015, I nearly lost a parent and was now making notes of these voices, what they said, how they made me feel etc and by the middle of 2015, I was going through several full note pads a week of what the voices said. I kept notes because after a week or two, I could say, "you won't beat me" and I had the act of binning these voices and getting on with my life, or so I thought.
Now, we are in 2017, and I don't know if I have OCD, Tourette's, Depression, whatever because the voices have been worse than ever since Christmas. I wake up with screaming, I go to sleep with screaming, I have 3 or 4 nightmares a night, assuming I even sleep at all.
The voices mock me, they taunt me, you name it, they call me it.
When I have broken down and cried, I have heard the screaming insults and abuse stop and hand on heart, I have heard 7 or 8 voices laughing at me.
The worst thing about all this is I have to fight with everything I have to now stop the voices, "coming out", which is why I mentioned tourette's syndrome. I am so worried I am going to be walking down the street, a voice will come out, the wrong person hears it then next thing you know I'm in some asylum labelled as a schizophrenic.
My self worth is now at rock bottom and I cannot do this with 'just' my partner's love and support.
I know IF I get any response at all here its going to be, "what on Earth are you asking us for? We aren't experts, get help you damn nutter!" but after 4 years of hearing voices screaming at me and having it control my life I cannot take much more and this I guess is my first step to trying to reach out for someone to help me other than my partner. Bless her she tries but she understands this even less than I do. I do intend to go to the doctor sooner rather than later but for now this is a start
Sorry for the ramble but no point opening up about things and only giving half a story