Trig**** I cant do this anymore

[cat01]

Trig***
Feeling like i just want to end it all right now, but im scared very scared.
Im under the mental health team, theyve been visitibg me daily. My husbands been given the task of hiding my meds, but i found them as he'd hidden them in a hurry in a silly place. Hes unaware i have my duloxatine in my pocket debating to take them. Im a mum and i dont want to hurt my boys but my head is so black, my chest hurts, i feel constantly sick in my stomach i cant take anymore.
Phones the out of hours up at 7.15 this evening as i cant sleep and wanted something to help me skeep. Asked me if suicidle i said yes but my husband has my pills. Wanted me to go to A&E to see the mental health dictor but then im told by my mental health team there is no doctor on. Explained i wanted something to help me sleep my anxiety is thru the roof. I cant do A&E my dad had a brain tumor and boynced in and out of A&E before his death but was a moskt unpleasant experience the way they treated him.
I had a breakdown 6 years ago and took an overdose. The initial consultant was lovely but after that the mental health team had forgotten me and gone home. I was left with no information for several hours and ended feeling absolutely dreadful.
To cut a long story short im still waiting to have a call back from the out of hours consultant. It should have happened within the hour 4 hours ago!!!!! Ive phoned back chasing seceral times and explaining. Im so exhausted. Its ridiculous. I hate my jead, i hate my big loving heart that got me here in the first place, being everybodys go to. I hate the cancer that took my beautiful dad and sucked my happiness away.

[beach]

Hi there,

I hope you are ok, it is awful to feel that bad at any time of the day or night, though I know that particular time well, and how the walls seem to close in on you. You are not alone in feel this way cat01, and you can get through it, one moment at a time. I know it's a battle, one I faced myself only a couple of weeks ago. You can make your way through this blackness, it will pass.

Is there anything you can do that will help? One baby step at a time? A hot bath, a short walk, a meditation on Utube, lavender oil on your pillow? Anything you can manage is a huge achievement when you feel this way.

Keep posting, let us know how you are, Beach x

[kittyfloss]

How are you doing now?
This all sounds so difficult to deal with - hope you're feeling safer soon. <3

[cat01]

Im ok ish at the moment, did think about cutting again. The crusis team are seeing me daily. Im starting to feel ive got Borderline Personality Disorder. I have alot of the symptoms particulary with relationships and self destructive behaviours. I feel like im stuck in a dark dark tunnel with no end in sight x

[luck]

You'll be ok Cat. I know it, just got to keep slogging.

[rsxo]

Hi Cat,

Don't attempt to self-diagnose - you will agree with statements that confirm your suspicion whether they are right or wrong.

Your family appears to have been treated very harshly by health services. I would suggest that you request an appointment with a counsellor, as they can be very helpful in dealing with troubling times.

Much love,

RSxo

[bluebell123]

You are all wrong, some this terrible illness doesn't pass, you are giving false hope deb

[Cyprus]

Hi how's you doing today

[brucey88]

You are all wrong, some this terrible illness doesn't pass, you are giving false hope deb

Isn't the safe room not to be a bit more helpful than "your all wrong". Who's that helping?

Hope your feeling better cat01. I can understand the reluctance to going in and not believing that there is a doctor on. Especially when you are seen daily.

Have you thought about using homeopathic remedies, like lavender oil whether that's in a bath or on your pillow. Or even candles like that.

I take it mentioning lack of sleep to the crisis team hasn't helped much for you?

Lxx