Hi. Im really sorry to read you are feeling this low. Glad that you could share how you feel on here as it could help just bt saying it. I cant be really much help but i know how it feels to be in this position. Maybe try and do soemthing to take your mind of it. Which is easier then it sounds. But do soemthing you enjoy that will keep you safe for now. Or speak to people you know or be around them if they are awake to keep you safe from doing anything. You dont have to tell them how you feel but just to be around them. But if you feel like you cant keep yoyrself safe than maybe going into hospital or A&e and telling them how you feel. Or speaking to samaratians or papryus. know all of that is hars to do when you feel so out of control with it but im not sure how else to reply. But youre not alone and people care about you wheather you see this right now or not.
Hope it gets easier for you