Hello again, Cathy.
I know just how you feel. I've been through all this too. Do you have any friends of family to turn to? I wish I could speak to you on the phone, for that's what I needed most myself. I must have rung the Samaritans dozens of times - with mixed results. Try your best to distract yourself any way you can. Walking, jigsaws, videos, music, animals - all these helped me (reading was too much for my concentration was very poor). It can be hard work just making the effort to do this, but it did help me. I think having pets helped me stay alive when I was at my lowest, for I felt responsible for them, and they need me as much as I need them.
Remember, we're here over Christmas & New Year - the worst time of the year for so many of us. you're not alone, and people do care for you, even though we don't know you in real life. x