Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

Back again ... TRIG?

For when you're feeling particularly vulnerable...
belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby belle » Wed Aug 05, 2015 9:54 pm

Hi Christabel.
Well, still here.
Thanks for asking.
I did sleep for a few hours - yesterday was just too much - which helped a bit.
I can get out ok - just takes a bit of planning depending on what is going on physically that day.
Rang CMHT is absence of still no response but got duty person who doesn't know anything about me of course. Usual stuff.
Very worried about 2 significant appts tomorrow.
How are you today?
xx

christabel
Posts: 2110
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby christabel » Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:07 pm

Hi belle

So relieved to hear you're ok. I've been ok but I find I can only carry on so long before I totally plummet and end up ratty and at the end of my tether.
I know now when that happens I have to chill and rest.

I hope your appointments went ok. Be kind to yourself at the minute. Sometimes we try to push ourselves when really we need to give our minds and bodies a complete rest.

Pleased to have heard from you. Take care and let us know how you're doing.

Xxx

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby belle » Thu Aug 06, 2015 11:30 pm

Hello.
Bad day with both appts going really pear shaped.
Cried so much there are no tears left.
Dissociating and can't work out what's going on.
Somehow I am expected to 'cure' myself with no input or support from the 'professionals' is today's message.
How the hell do I do that? And if I could don't these idiots think I would have done it years ago?
Very frightened. I see no future. But perhaps that's for the best.
Take care of yourself.
xxx

christabel
Posts: 2110
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby christabel » Fri Aug 07, 2015 4:07 pm

Hi belle

That's awful for you but I'm afraid it's a sign of the times. Don't give up though. I'm sure you've felt better before and will do again. Sometimes it's very difficult to see the way back out of a depression. Are you on any medication at the moment and do you feel it is right for you?

Please don't give up, I know it's bleak but you can feel better. Let us know how you're doing, we understand on here and care.

XxxChris

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby belle » Mon Sep 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Hi - sorry I haven't posted before.
Unimaginable but yes - it has got worse. Much worse.
I can't really explain what has happened for fear of identification but I just don't know what to do anymore.
I had been hanging on but people in The System have just pushed down the black hole to the very bottom.
Utterly betrayed and without hope.
Kind of calm almost now.
Empty.
Maybe this crappy old body and mind is protecting me for a day or two.
But face it I must. It will be.
I feel so so sad from the fight I have put up but this can't go on.
Pointless.
Wish it was different but it all has an air of inevitability about it.
No more words really.
xxx

PureFrustr8d
Posts: 591
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:21 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby PureFrustr8d » Thu Sep 10, 2015 10:21 am

Hi belle, I posted a while back to yourself and Alison but you both haven't been around. I'm about to post myself because of my feelings but I wanted to write a wee something whilst you are about. I've read your post, what you are dealing with sounds extremely difficult. I've had that calm you talk of, the moment when your fear of things getting worse turns in to a reality...it's almost incomprehensible, like your destiny has just been laid out in front of you. I don't know what your going through belle but don't forget your strengths...they have got you this far. It's not pointless to wish things were different, listen to what you want.

Take care
Best wishes
Peace

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby belle » Thu Sep 10, 2015 11:43 am

Thank you for that. It helps.
Acceptance is hard.
Totally out of any fight to get them to gove me the help I need.
In a strange vacuum today - bewildered and emotionless.
Totally alone in every sense.
In a physical place where I will not meet anyone I know or have a chance to speak one word to a human.
Not sure it's safe but any other options have closed down now.
It is as is.

I hope you are managing. It's so demanding living with mh illness.
Any news of Alison?

Take care
xxx

PureFrustr8d
Posts: 591
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:21 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby PureFrustr8d » Thu Sep 10, 2015 1:24 pm

I understand you feel alone but remind yourself that 'totally alone' would mean no contact and I'm contacting you :) you can also call one of those helplines for a blether too, no? I've just endured months of pain without any professional help on account of my last psy dropping me like a hot potato, so I know how you feel needing help and getting not only nothing but actually being left to fend for yourself when they know how bad things are...

I replied to a post Alison had written about awaiting her diabetes results but I don't know if she saw it or if there was no reply cause I said something wrong or if after her holiday she just hasn't been well enough. It can be hard that, looking out for people that aren't around, you want to think it's cause they are ok but chances are it's not that. Like I said I wrote a post for the pair of you but it's just luck if it's seen...

Sure is demanding but it's not your fault...you just have to do what you can and sometimes that's nothing.

Peace

raine
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 3:16 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby raine » Fri Sep 11, 2015 4:18 pm

Hi, I've had mental health problems since I was a toddler. I'm 42 now. I really relate to what you are saying Belle. I think all the mental health services, charity or NHS are terrible. They are not caring at all, they are often totally cold and heartless. You really are on your own. The only really great people I have met are from a new service that opened this year in my city. It is a drop in for people who are in crisis Friday-Monday 7pm-2am. Its hard to get to tho if you are upset and feeling exhausted and have no money or transport. I phoned to go the other day and they asked me why I felt going would help me. I thought wow, even this place now has a gatekeeper, if you dont know the password youre out. The guy apologised for having to ask me. I said well,I'm hoping it will stop me from killing my self.
I've been fighting depression for over 20 years, the suicidal thoughts have been worse lately. I had a psychotic breakdown earlier this year. I have a 17 and 19 year old, I'm trying to hold it together for them as we have no other family. My daughter has mental health problems and wont leave her room. I've thought that maybe we should make a suicide pact. There was a case the other day about a mum and teenage daughter jumping in front of a train together. I bought a loud of pills the other week and I was really up for taking them and I felt a real peacefulness and it felt as tho I was on the beginning of a journey and something was calling me. It was really wierd. It is so frightening when your sense of reality is no longer grounded. I truely wish there were decent people working in the mental health services, I feel they have been a real danger to me and my daughter.


Return to “Safe Room”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 13 guests