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Back again ... TRIG?

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belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Back again ... TRIG?

Postby belle » Tue Aug 04, 2015 9:48 pm

Well its been a long time since I posted or supported anyone on here.
Sorry.
I'd like to say I've been well and things have been good, but it's all just the same or worse.
Everything and with more problems and crap 'professional' support.
Physical and MH the worst they've ever been possibly but that's a hard one to measure.
Really feel I have tried everything. And how I've tried and what I've had to go through to even get that help.
I can't tolerate 'life' like this, this trauma 24/7.
It's a pointless existence.
My suicidal feelings are a constant presence.
How long is it reasonable to say you have tried? Ask for some kind of eternal permission to give up on life?
I'm so very, very tired.
Why have I come back?
Maybe because people on here have some empathy, some enlightenment and some compassion.
I am at a total loss this evening and an OD seems the best option.
Any ideas?
x

Ash79
Posts: 70
Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:35 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby Ash79 » Tue Aug 04, 2015 10:12 pm

Hi belle

i know what it's like to be at the end of your tether, to feel that enough is enough, but please remember that nothing is forever. An OD is not the answer to your problems, please hold on. Do you have a crisis team you can call?

I hope that things feel better

Hugs and love

Ash

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby belle » Tue Aug 04, 2015 10:36 pm

Thanks for replying.
I've been ill for years and I try to think things might change but they just change for the worse!
I know it sounds like self pity but the reality is hard to put any kind of positive spin on.
I have exhausted support avenues.
The crisis line is hopeless - advice ranges from paint your toenails to do you believe in God?...??!!
In despair I contacted my care co week before last. Still hasn't got back to me (not on holiday - I checked).
Shrink on holiday.
GP away with the faries.
A&E just refer you back to the CMHT.
I know it sounds like I'm negative but it's the reality here.
Formal complaints don't change anythingg either.
I just don't know what to do any more and feel totally out of control like a train crashing into the buffers at high speed at the end of the line.
The only thing is resort to meds. I have a plentiful stock pile.
I just want to scream and lash out - I'm on my own in all senses of the word.
Sorry just wittering on.
Thanks again.
x

christabel
Posts: 2106
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby christabel » Tue Aug 04, 2015 11:32 pm

Hi belle

You're not alone, we're here when we can. It's a dreadful illness we've got and the help stinks but honestly you will get through this bad patch and feel better.
You've every right to feel the way you do. It's not self pity. I know the feelings, the exhaustion of trying to go on. Of the suffering being relentless. I've not long come through a really bad patch myself, but I did come through.

Foremost the recovery started from myself. I tried to look after myself by eating the best I could and getting outside and walking. I know it's not easy. Also I got my medication sorted with my gp.

I don't want to sound as though I'm trivializing things, I understand how bad you are feeling belle but you can get better. Let all the emotions out if you can. Scream and lash out into a cushion or pillow. Let vent on the forum but please keep yourself safe. I feel for you and don't want you to hurt yourself.

Sending a hug. Xxx

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby belle » Tue Aug 04, 2015 11:43 pm

Thanks for the encouraging words and being around.
It does help a bit. xx
It's the unrelenting nature of it all.
And the frustration.
I have no fight left today.
xx

christabel
Posts: 2106
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby christabel » Tue Aug 04, 2015 11:53 pm

I know that feeling well. Accept it, you've had as much as you can take. It's a constant battle that wears you out and you just want to switch your mind off. Am I just about right belle?

It's awful, I would not wish it on anyone. Would it help to talk about things a bit? Only if you can. How long have you been feeling this bad?

Xxx

belle
Posts: 5410
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby belle » Wed Aug 05, 2015 12:27 am

Hi again.
This last patch started in April but I've had physical and mh issues for nearly 40 years.
It's a long time.
I've tried so hard with both.
With mh short of moving to get out of the mh trust area I'm out of hope.
Physical - can't even go there.
Have just taken meds so hope sleep takes me put of all this.
Even that scares me as any sleep is usually filled with horrendous nightmares.
I just want it all to stop.
xx

Ash79
Posts: 70
Joined: Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:35 pm

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby Ash79 » Wed Aug 05, 2015 12:41 am

Sleep well and good dreams

Talk to you tomorrow

Love and hugs
Ash

christabel
Posts: 2106
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby christabel » Wed Aug 05, 2015 12:53 am

Hopefully you'll get a bit sleep. Sounds as though you probably need your medication adjusting. My nightmares were horrendous but I don't get them at all now.

No wonder you're distressed feeling like that since April and not getting proper help. The cuts to the mental health sector are disgraceful. I got more help in the 1980s than you ever get now. Had access to psychiatrist easily and saw cpn every week.

I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment 40mins one a fortnight, she was sorting me out some info but on holiday so have to wait a month for it.

Do you not manage to get out ( with your physical problems ) because that can make your depression much worse.

Take care belle. Hope you feel a little better tomorrow. Let me know how you are. Xxx

christabel
Posts: 2106
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Back again ... TRIG?

Postby christabel » Wed Aug 05, 2015 7:10 pm

Hi belle

How are you? Are you feeling any stronger?

Sending hugs xxx


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