I'm so grateful for all your support Lou83, acorn and christabel. Have you noticed how I don't even need to explain how detrimental all this is to myself but that you can all see it. I actually explain myself here and it still falls on deaf ears! I went back to that assistant and told her that I had a night of hell because of the words that came out her mouth. I couldn't stop thinking about them because she was my last chance of help before two months (I have an appt with another on 20 Aug!!!!). She said 'oh is that right, well that's important I touched something in you, it means it's important' - I am looking at her thinking there is no hidden psychology!!!! I told her directly exactly why it touched me - 'you showed no compassion' 'you weren't so much as sympathetic and that I don't expect to hear those things from a professional mental health worker - to which she replied 'I am not here to be sympathetic' ...and I told her 'but you are meant to show compassion'. At one point she not only raised her voice at me but the tone changed to a deep hoarse growl.....and I said to 'what are you talking to me like that for?' her: 'because you don't listen' and I said 'so that justifies speaking to me like that, do you understand I am very vulnerable' ....you wouldn't believe the sh*t she replied 'I have a personality to!' - what the hell does she risk!!! and it's not true I don't listen....she is just looking for excuses. I told her 'I listen to you but if you think not you can just ask me calmly, no?' . I don't usually have opinions like this but seriously what a heartless pathetic excuse for a mental health worker....her attitude is dangerous. She sent me to the next town by bus to wait some hours to see someone to receive a prescription because she said she can't do nothing for me in the 2 months I have to wait! Of course wasn't able to go to the emergency services in the next town - barley able to walk around this town nevermind busing it etc....
I don't take medication because my thyroid which controls everything is more important and anti-psychotics aint good for it (especially with my antibodies turning against me) and unfortunately antidepressants trigger mania in me. The only help I can have in 2 months is medication which will have a detrimental effect....do they care about that, no, it's take that because we have no idea what we are doing in our jobs!!!! The fact I haven't been on meds for about a year and a half now should tell them something about these types of illnesses. I would never tell anyone to not take meds but for myself personally - I don't want that sh*t in my body messing with my brain and body...been there, done that, no thanks.
SO MUCH COMPASSION ON HERE I CRIED MY EYES OUT, I feel you guys even all the way over here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I had my mum here a month ago for 4 days - it was a great boost to my spirit but when she left she took something with her
You just won't believe the story between my mum and I. If I can get some lighter moments I will have to share because I think it may offer hope to anyone who has a mother like what mine use to be like....and things only changed in March (I'm 31).
All of your kindness towards me makes such a difference. I would be dead without this site and every caring heart on here.