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scared and lost

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PureFrustr8d
Posts: 591
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:21 pm

scared and lost

Postby PureFrustr8d » Tue Jun 23, 2015 2:38 am

I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. Everything is getting worse. I could lose my son if the tribunal goes in the favour of his father, I can't pay the bills which are stacking up because I literally receive no benefits here, my psychologist of over a year just told me to go find someone else to help me when I shared my frustration re the lack of direction in her treatment, the assistant whom I met for the first time today said to me: 'we're not gods' 'we can't create miracles' 'it's YOU who has the control' 'so you depend on people.....that's not what people are for' 'it's like you are searching for help that doesn't exist' 'I don't know why you came here today'.....

I'm feeling so ashamed. How did this happen? It is very very bad. I can't even say everything I'm dealing with. Although I'm keeping myself alive one day at a time everything is getting too much to try to deny that all of this is really happening. When I try to make it real I can't because there are no solutions except one. I have no help for my mind now. I can't speak good enough French....as the assistant pointed out along with many other problems. It's sheer panic I'm feeling, every time I think I can't take anymore I'm forced to shoulder even more but I can't and I'm really scared....

Lou83
Posts: 177
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:38 pm

Re: scared and lost

Postby Lou83 » Tue Jun 23, 2015 11:35 am

Oh PureFrustr8ed,

I am so truly sorry for how you are feeling.
I have read some other posts from you previously, but only returned to sane a couple of weeks ago and didn't want to intrude on the thread.

What you are going through at the moment is one of the nightmares no mother want to have to go through. I'm not surprised you are feeling the way you do.

I cannot believe how you were spoken to at your psychologist's, and the nerve of the assistant confronting you like that....do they not realise what you are going through, and how detrimental that can be to someone! I think that's disgusting.
You have nothing at all to be ashamed of in the slightest - you are dealing with so much, all alone.
Please keep posting on here, even if it just helps you to feel a little less isolated. I know it wo't help in the sense of the tribunal - but I hate to think of you over there with no support.
I know it's probably a long shot, but do you have any family that could maybe visit you for a few days?

Sorry if I've not been much help.

Sending so much love, Lou xx

acorn
Posts: 1252
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2014 9:24 pm

Re: scared and lost

Postby acorn » Tue Jun 23, 2015 1:15 pm

Hello purefrustrated

I'm not surprised you are feeling lost and scared with everything that's going on for you right now. It really does seem to be one thing after another and now your psychologist has acted to unprofessionally and told you to find someone else just because you challenged their treatment! How awful. Add to that the way you were insulted by the assistant when you tried to reach out for further help and in your shoes I'd be feeling pretty hopeless too.

It really does seem like your brain needs some down time you have so much going on. Is there anything that helps you relax? Colouring? Comforting DVD? Bubbles? Cuddles with your son? Nice relaxing bubble bath?

Sending hugs and love from across the ocean.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow"

christabel
Posts: 2106
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: scared and lost

Postby christabel » Wed Jun 24, 2015 6:51 am

Sorry to hear you are having such a struggle. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your little boy.

Take care xxx

PureFrustr8d
Posts: 591
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:21 pm

Re: scared and lost

Postby PureFrustr8d » Wed Jun 24, 2015 9:27 am

I'm so grateful for all your support Lou83, acorn and christabel. Have you noticed how I don't even need to explain how detrimental all this is to myself but that you can all see it. I actually explain myself here and it still falls on deaf ears! I went back to that assistant and told her that I had a night of hell because of the words that came out her mouth. I couldn't stop thinking about them because she was my last chance of help before two months (I have an appt with another on 20 Aug!!!!). She said 'oh is that right, well that's important I touched something in you, it means it's important' - I am looking at her thinking there is no hidden psychology!!!! I told her directly exactly why it touched me - 'you showed no compassion' 'you weren't so much as sympathetic and that I don't expect to hear those things from a professional mental health worker - to which she replied 'I am not here to be sympathetic' ...and I told her 'but you are meant to show compassion'. At one point she not only raised her voice at me but the tone changed to a deep hoarse growl.....and I said to 'what are you talking to me like that for?' her: 'because you don't listen' and I said 'so that justifies speaking to me like that, do you understand I am very vulnerable' ....you wouldn't believe the sh*t she replied 'I have a personality to!' - what the hell does she risk!!! and it's not true I don't listen....she is just looking for excuses. I told her 'I listen to you but if you think not you can just ask me calmly, no?' . I don't usually have opinions like this but seriously what a heartless pathetic excuse for a mental health worker....her attitude is dangerous. She sent me to the next town by bus to wait some hours to see someone to receive a prescription because she said she can't do nothing for me in the 2 months I have to wait! Of course wasn't able to go to the emergency services in the next town - barley able to walk around this town nevermind busing it etc....

I don't take medication because my thyroid which controls everything is more important and anti-psychotics aint good for it (especially with my antibodies turning against me) and unfortunately antidepressants trigger mania in me. The only help I can have in 2 months is medication which will have a detrimental effect....do they care about that, no, it's take that because we have no idea what we are doing in our jobs!!!! The fact I haven't been on meds for about a year and a half now should tell them something about these types of illnesses. I would never tell anyone to not take meds but for myself personally - I don't want that sh*t in my body messing with my brain and body...been there, done that, no thanks.

SO MUCH COMPASSION ON HERE I CRIED MY EYES OUT, I feel you guys even all the way over here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I had my mum here a month ago for 4 days - it was a great boost to my spirit but when she left she took something with her :cry: You just won't believe the story between my mum and I. If I can get some lighter moments I will have to share because I think it may offer hope to anyone who has a mother like what mine use to be like....and things only changed in March (I'm 31).

All of your kindness towards me makes such a difference. I would be dead without this site and every caring heart on here.

acorn
Posts: 1252
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2014 9:24 pm

Re: scared and lost

Postby acorn » Wed Jun 24, 2015 12:13 pm

Hello purefrustrated

Any time sweetheart. Come here and vent away we are 100 per cent here for you no matter how you are feeling happy sad depressed frustrated whatever the situation you are never alone.

Although I am appalled at the way you were treated and the fact no further help is being offered other than something which is bad for you I am sad here smiling a little. Why I hear you ask? It's because you stood up for yourself. You went back and you let her know that she hurt you dammit and that's not okay. Yes you did not get an apology or a change in attitude or anything positive from it but the fact is you showed your true inner strength and proved to yourself an everyone else that you are capable of fighting a system that is completely against you. That you think more of yourself to let people walk all over you. That you are worth peoples time and being spoken to with compassion. That's what is making me smile and that's what gives me hope for your custody battle.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow"


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