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I've started self harming again

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IrisViolet
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 22, 2015 11:26 pm

I've started self harming again

Postby IrisViolet » Mon Jun 22, 2015 11:35 pm

It's not much and it's for no reason. I triggered by watching 'my mad fat diary' and then I was obsessing about it until I had to do it.

My life is hard. Oct-Jan were obliterated with two inpatient stays. Three hospital admissions. Unable to leave house. But now 8m.mostly well, looking after my children and I have new job. But I also am trapped in the house with my ex who dumped me for being ill then waited 7 weeks to date a friend. I'm so lonely. I hate the days when he has the kids as I become agoraphobic again.

My children keep me well with their wonderfulness. But behind it is always a pull of Lonliness and want hurt myself. Nothing serious people don't even notice. Something to mute the pain a bit. ..
I don't know....

Lou83
Posts: 177
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:38 pm

Re: I've started self harming again

Postby Lou83 » Tue Jun 23, 2015 11:56 am

Hi there IrisViolet,

Is self-harming new to you or an ongoing on/off battle? Do make sure you at least cleaned it properly and looked after it.

Have you sought any kind of help for the way you are feeling? If not, I personally suggest you do. If you don't want to talk to anyone counselling wise, or meds etc, they may at least be able to suggest some different coping mechanisms.

I'm sorry you home life isn't helping at the moment.

Look after yourself xx

acorn
Posts: 1252
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2014 9:24 pm

Re: I've started self harming again

Postby acorn » Tue Jun 23, 2015 1:21 pm

Hello and welcome to sane

My advice to you is to try to find the purpose of your self harm. Everyone has their own reasons but once you can identify the reason you can deal with the emotion or lack of emotion in a different healthier way. You say the tv series triggered you but what did it make you feel? Did it make you miss it perhaps? Feel angry? Frustrated? Sad? Lonely? Want to see blood? Numb? What was it exactly.

When I miss self harm I write down a list of all the reasons why I stopped. If I'm too far into the urge I read a previous list or call a friend to help remind me. When I feel angry I channel it into exercise or scream into a pillow. When I feel frustrated it's similar to angry. When I feel sad I comfort myself with a DVD or audiobook and my teddies. When I'm lonely I call someone to talk to. When I want to see blood I use red pen. When I feel numb I use the strong sensation of holding ice to reconnect.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow"

lonely2
Posts: 2997
Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 9:28 pm
Location: Midlands

Re: I've started self harming again

Postby lonely2 » Tue Jun 23, 2015 7:00 pm

Hi,

I cut my wrist again for the first time in ages the other night so can identify with how you feel. I hate it when I cut where everyone can see and it is a real red flag that things are not good.

Maybe your self harming again is a sign that you're not in a good place?

Hope you manage to get some help and remember you are not on your own xxx
It's hard to keep a secret when it's written all over your body.

It makes you feel able to cope with life, while at the same time it's destroying you.

IrisViolet
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 22, 2015 11:26 pm

Re: I've started self harming again

Postby IrisViolet » Tue Jun 23, 2015 10:53 pm

Thank you everyone. I'm hoping it was a one off as I'm feeling a lot better today. It's so hard to keep strong. I had two bouts of hospitalisation last Oct and Jan. Then my partner of 8 years dumped me and started dating a family friend within weeks, who my children know (5 and 2). I'm stuck in the same house as my ex whilst we work through separating.

Life is gruelling but am pleased I've just about managed to keep well despite coping with two very unsettled but amazing kids and living with the ex from hell. I struggle with lonliness as I find it hard to make friends as I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and find it hard to trust and keep friends. I feel so alone.

Sorry for all that. Just needed to 'say it out loud' as it were... IV X

acorn
Posts: 1252
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2014 9:24 pm

Re: I've started self harming again

Postby acorn » Wed Jun 24, 2015 12:05 am

You are doing very well all things considered. It can't be easy living with your ex whilst you two seperate and trying to take care of two very unsettled children.

You have every right to be very pleased with yourself. Yes you slipped but you have bounced back and you will continue to do so.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow"

christabel
Posts: 2110
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: I've started self harming again

Postby christabel » Wed Jun 24, 2015 6:48 am

Hi IrisViolet

How are you doing now? I hope you are continuing to be better. Well done for holding things together for your children. Life can be very difficult and we can find it hard to cope with at times and need a little help but it's nothing to be ashamed of. Take care and keep up the good work.

Xxx

IrisViolet
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 22, 2015 11:26 pm

Re: I've started self harming again

Postby IrisViolet » Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:42 pm

Better but I've been useless all day. My kids got up with my ex and I slept through my alarm. My 5 year old woke me at 8.30. Miraculously managed to get him to school on time for 8.50 and my 2 year old to nursery. Left work at 2.30 and realised my fuel light is on. By the time I'd fuelled up I'd missed picking up my daughter at 3 and had to collect her after I'd picked up my son at 3.10. Parenting complete fail :-(

I just hope tomorrow is a better day...

moomoo123
Posts: 215
Joined: Sat Jul 26, 2014 8:41 pm

Re: I've started self harming again

Postby moomoo123 » Mon Jun 29, 2015 3:13 pm

hi

try not to be too harsh on yourself x

i too self harm, i find stress and upset trigger me off.#

i keep my cuts private but were seen by my husband who verbally laid into me when he saw them.

saying i was making a mokery of stuff he says hes done for me.

anyway its somthing we use to try and somhow cope with different things.

hugs .

moo


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