I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings since I was a kid. You're not being overly dramatic. This is a serious matter that needs to be resolved. I understand that you don't want to see any doctors due to your past experiences with them. Unfortunately, only doctors can solve these problems
I can only suggest that you see a different doctor this time. If this doctor doesn't help, keep searching until you find the right doctor. I had to keep looking for the right doctor myself.
Wishing you all the best. Hope you feel better soon xxx