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trig...

For when you're feeling particularly vulnerable...
ABx
Posts: 409
Joined: Sun Mar 31, 2013 1:55 am

Re: trig...

Postby ABx » Tue May 28, 2013 2:50 pm

Sorry to hear your struggling. Hope things are a little better for you this afternoon. Thinking of you short on words of advise at the moment remember ngu to Never Give Up. I understand how difficult things can be.

loubat

Re: trig...

Postby loubat » Tue May 28, 2013 3:39 pm

Hey nguwell I for one dont wish you were dead I am here huni not got many helpful words at minute but always hear. I really hope your appointment for housing gos ok I know they are such a hassle when you feel low but you did so well to get out of bed earlier,how did it go with the mh appointment?please don't give up or feel you are alone we are all here for You take care sending you big hugs xxx

NeverGiveUp22
Posts: 557
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:35 am

Re: trig...

Postby NeverGiveUp22 » Tue May 28, 2013 9:39 pm

Thank you, ABx!!! Yes, never give up. That's the promise I made. It's hard to stand by in times like this. Thanks for your support! xxx

And thank you, Lou!!! xxx

I managed to get the things sorted for the house next year, now I just need to organise my flatmates a bit more, but that is a job for another day.

The mh appointment was rather disappointing. It seems there isn't anything they can offer me as support. If I get in touch in September I will get a new mh key worker, as the one I had this year won't be there. Neither will the lady I saw today. But I'm not sure what meeting up with them is supposed to help, if they don't do anything. I don't understand what service it is they offer. Yet, none of it really matters as there seems to be nothing for me there :(.

I'm getting used to doing it all on my own again. It's working in as far as I'm functioning and haven't committed suicide yet. But at what cost to my wellbeing? I'm left to struggle and I end up resorting to dysfunctional behaviour to cope. That's a recipe for disaster as that is exactly the way I ended up in this mess.

Really don't know what to think any more. I'm still waiting to find out if I will be referred to secondary care and the earliest appointment would be at the end of September. That doesn't help me at the moment, because that is 4 months away. I could be long dead by then....

Thank you both for caring! xxx

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett~

toxicmind
Posts: 523
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:30 pm

Re: trig...

Postby toxicmind » Wed May 29, 2013 12:14 am

whats stop you from killing yourself?

NeverGiveUp22
Posts: 557
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:35 am

Re: trig...

Postby NeverGiveUp22 » Wed May 29, 2013 1:50 am

I'm not allowed to kill myself, because it would hurt my family and friends. It tore them all apart when I was hospitalised and under constant surveillance. I don't want to put them through even worse, but I can't control my feelings...

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett~

toxicmind
Posts: 523
Joined: Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:30 pm

Re: trig...

Postby toxicmind » Wed May 29, 2013 10:07 am

what is it you think you can't control?

loubat

Re: trig...

Postby loubat » Wed May 29, 2013 10:10 am

Hey ngu
Hope you are ok and today isn't as tough as yestaday I wish you wasn't as hard on yourself your a lovely person with a lot of stress to deal with and you don't deserve to punish yourself. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment without the mh issues on top I realy Hope uthings improve.
I certainly never want you to give up and sure many others here and rl feel the same take care huni and try to be kind to yourself xxxLou

NeverGiveUp22
Posts: 557
Joined: Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:35 am

Re: trig...

Postby NeverGiveUp22 » Thu May 30, 2013 12:59 am

I can't control my feelings, tm. And believe me, I've tried. For a while I can put a stand against what they call my dysfunctional beliefs and behaviours, but if I stop, it all comes back. I can't change them, so I can't control them. At the moment it feels too much a part of myself, so as though I was destroying part of myself by trying to get rid of it. Earlier this evening a friend pointed out that that shows just how bad it is again. I hadn't realised that properly, but I'm completely stuck in my punitive parent mode...


Thanks, Lou, for your kindness!!! xxx

Today has been difficult as my therapist recommended I should go to hospital when I get back to Germany, so that I get more intensive support. This angers me on many levels as I don't want to go back on a psych ward if I can avoid it. My parents would stop talking to me if I did. I don't think they could actually support me in a helpful way, certainly not the acute wards. And I can't exactly wait for a bed in a psychosomatic clinic as that will take longer than my holidays. But I also know we wouldn't be having this discussion if my parents didn't live there. Why the hell can't I get proper support here? Why should I have to go to a different country?
She hasn't thought this through on so many levels.

It upsets me that she is basically saying, without actually saying it, that she can't help me. She agreed that 50 minutes a week was, at the moment, not going to make the slightest difference. I'm glad we agreed on that as it means I might as well not have any therapy. But I hate being written off and passed on to be someone else's problem.

Why should I even try if the professionals can't help? One person has managed to make a real difference. I'm too complicated and it's just too much effort to try to understand for everyone else.

I managed to keep myself distracted by meeting a friend for ice cream, my flatmates being around and talking to one flatmate's girlfriend until just now. But now I'm on my own and I'm crashing. I know I could write around in circles, but that's too much for on here.

Sorry, I'm just so past it now... :(

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
~Samuel Beckett~

loubat

Re: trig...

Postby loubat » Thu May 30, 2013 10:23 am

Hey ngu
Hope you are feeling a little better today sorry you are struggling so much,why have you got to go back to Germany for treatment if your living in the uk?surely you are entitled to nhs treatment here so why not mh treatment. I really can't see why your theropist has told you that don't get me wrong here it takes a bloody age to get seen or the treatment you need and maybe quicker with the systems back home but its just not practical to have treatment in Germany if your going to be remaining in this country? wot about the after treatment and support who will provide that?
I would see about getting a mh advocate huni they are extremely helpful and get the ball rolling and you can get more information from them that you need right now. It must seem like all the professionals are trying to pass you onto somebody else but please don't give up or think you have to deal with this all on your own,because you don't some support network or treatment if you feel you need it has to be put in place in this country not Germany its not right the way you have been treated here or the informatio you have been given.
If there. Anybody from were you are studying that could help you?
Sending you lots of hugs much love Lou xxx

ABx
Posts: 409
Joined: Sun Mar 31, 2013 1:55 am

Re: trig...

Postby ABx » Thu May 30, 2013 2:34 pm

NGU
Its seems really difficult to get the correct help you need in the UK though I lived here all my life. Is or was your therapist here suggesting being sectioned again?
Hope thinks improve.


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