Lucretia wrote: if I ended my life I know she could not carry on ,because that is something parents cant really recover from.x
Lu, I'm sorry you feel this way. I've told you before I identify with you so much in this regard. I know exactly
what you mean, and how it feels. It's as if you are constantly being pushed past the point where someone else would have just done it, and it's a terrible sense of being trapped and having no escape.
Even though I have been feeling this myself for a long time now, and particularly recently, I really do believe that if you wait, things will get better. Nothing can last forever, not even feeling like this. You're due to get some counselling/therapy soon, and that will ease your life a whole lot. The counselling will help you get to the bottom of your feelings about being isolated from the rest of the world, and leave you in a more positive frame of mind.
If all else fails, carry on through sheer bloody-mindedness. You're so much more than a possible statistic. You touch so many people's lives on here with your support, when a great majority of the time, you're very poorly yourself. I appreciate that, and so do lots of others.
You're important, you belong, and the whole world would be missing something if you weren't in it. That's not something I believe about everyone (glares at the neighbour's wall).
*lots of hugs*