Lost another therapist again ! Despair

[Aleshadxcherylc]

I'm now seeing a nhs therapist and the private therapist was holding me until the nhs one came through which in the end was 9 months as You can't see both at the same time
It was so tough work are being awful not about anything to do with this a different situation and they don't know I have depression the situation that happened I didn't need after what happened yesterday I feel awkward small and argh f life another extra stress I don't need right now
Yesterday losing her was awful the week leading up to it I harmed my stomach which I hadn't done for months and punched myself
I'm in despair also brought up my feelings of losing my cbt therapist all over again
My private therapist on the last session yesterday was sweet she gave me a hug and said "you take this hug with you i wish you well and get better for me and you and I will be thinking of you"she walked me to the gate as I wouldn't go she said give me a smile at the end"I was gutted and in tears I brought her flowers a card and I wrote her a letter she said she would put it in a special box she has and she said she was proud of me for doing the ending. Obviously the hug she asked my permission first it was what I wanted my cbt last session to be like not the pain but the way this one was handled
It's bringing the memories back
I don't want to eat sleep do anything I'm just numb and in pain
I've seen the nhs one today it's just not the same
I don't need the awkardness at work and eveything
When the nhs one goes on holiday I will see the private one but it won't be every week
She was like a mum to me and the cbt one was like my best friend I hate it all all the pain and despair
I wish I could die I told the therapist today to shoot me or drug me as I can't cope no more with the pain and despair of my life and eveything it is causing me everyday is hard and and a chore I see dark that is all
Bye bye
X x

[bevy]

sorry you are strugling, it hard when you finish with one of your therapist, i know so well i was seeing a pycologist for eighteen months and then i was on a a waiting list to join a group and then have one to one with another pycologist, , so they clashed , it was hard saying goodbye to the first one but that was in may ,and i am getting on with the new one, but this last few weeks i have been tempted to phonr the other one up but not done so yet, hopefully your new one will be ok ,it takes a while to trust the new one i kneow, just take it slowly and look after yourself, sorry no more good advice but thinking and caring about you

[Aleshadxcherylc]

Thanks hun at least someone cares
Numb isolated confused just wish my other therapist would shoot me I hope so I can't cope I have asked herb

[belle]

Hi Katie.
Sorry you feel so low.
It is very hard ending theraputic relationships and I know how hard it was for you before.
It sounds like you tried really hard and did some nice things for her.
Unfortunately their professional code of conduct means you shouldn't see 2 at the same time.
Keep strong - and keep posting on here if it helps.
Take care.
xxx

[Aleshadxcherylc]

Thanks belle unfortunately still not dead this morning as I wish I was
Xx

[Aleshadxcherylc]

Want to die
Get me a coffin not let me wake up
Thanks
Can't hack this pain anymore
Bye never coming back
X