
It was so tough work are being awful not about anything to do with this a different situation and they don't know I have depression the situation that happened I didn't need after what happened yesterday I feel awkward small and argh f life another extra stress I don't need right now
Yesterday losing her was awful the week leading up to it I harmed my stomach which I hadn't done for months and punched myself
I'm in despair

My private therapist on the last session yesterday was sweet she gave me a hug and said "you take this hug with you i wish you well and get better for me and you and I will be thinking of you"she walked me to the gate as I wouldn't go she said give me a smile at the end"I was gutted and in tears I brought her flowers a card and I wrote her a letter she said she would put it in a special box she has and she said she was proud of me for doing the ending. Obviously the hug she asked my permission first it was what I wanted my cbt last session to be like not the pain but the way this one was handled
It's bringing the memories back
I don't want to eat sleep do anything I'm just numb and in pain
I've seen the nhs one today it's just not the same
I don't need the awkardness at work and eveything
When the nhs one goes on holiday I will see the private one but it won't be every week
She was like a mum to me and the cbt one was like my best friend I hate it all all the pain and despair

I wish I could die I told the therapist today to shoot me or drug me as I can't cope no more with the pain and despair of my life and eveything it is causing me everyday is hard and and a chore I see dark that is all
Bye bye
X x