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alone alone alone

Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 10:53 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
...................................... cant bear to live anymore.............................................

Re: alone alone alone

Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:09 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
ireally dont know what to do
I think ive contacted the therapist i used to have for CBT but that was my intention dont know if its her as she doesnt have a picture but she says she works privatetly and in the NHS.
its a year since i started with her i said i emailed her sayying what was going on now and that I would benefit from CBT in the future but not now when the pyscotherapy is over i asked would she see me again if this was the right person.
i hope so not for the reasons you think as i understand them now but for the good therapist she was.
my fear its not her after all of this or i get rejected or ignored
wish i was dead would be so much easier
dont know what to do anymore bet she wont even respond to the email i wrote! :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
all the feelings are coming back as im having to leave my private therapist for the new nhs therapy which i will get for free.
just hope to see her(CBT therapist) again in the future for her to help me get my life back on track but i know i will get rejected
i can now feel the anxiety coming on i hate this why can i die? wish i wasnt cowardly wish i could jsut get on with it
I CANT COPE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Re: alone alone alone

Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 9:32 pm
by butterflygirl
im so sorry that you are feeling so terrible at the moment.

i dont completly understand your situation but you are not alone at the moment. you have the people on here at the very least and we care about you and do not want you to die.

is there anyone that is aware of how low you are feeling at the moment?

please take care of yourself, try simple things to distract you, whatever works for you, and keep posting on here so we know you're ok.

when are you due to start with this new therapist? i know it can be very daunting but it is a very positive thing to be happening for you and you are lucky to be accepted for psychotherapy on the NHS.

please be gentle with yourself

Re: alone alone alone

Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 9:28 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
Hi butterfly
Thank you so much for your kind words I've already started with the new therapist and I've got two weeks left with my private therapist I had to wait 7 months for the nhs pyscotherapy
No one else knows how I feel apart from my therapist everyone is stressed around me they know I have issues but not too kill myself they are going through enough without me .
Thanks for caring I still want to die had another horrible day To be fair all my days are horrible
Anyway no one needs to care about me ill go and creep back into my black hole and never come out
I'm selfish horrible fat ugly person who deserves to be shot
I don't deserve anyone's time
Wish I could die
I wish I didn't and never ever existed

Re: alone alone alone

Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 10:15 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
i am fat ugly tiredd zonked feels like im not existing i feel very robtic typing this
i want it to end i cant have this torture anymore
want tod dideideidiediediewiqidii feels like im talking to myself
eveything shut up shut up leave me alone kkfgwoihgfwwawbrfhfugehg stomach your not hungary youve put on weight you fat cow lose weight now your ugly toooooooooooooooooooooo youre so stupid put the mask on therapist me unfixable rocking no school ever give me a chance at a teaching assitant position im fucking stupid useless no one wants me fuck it i give up the fight of being a teaching assistant and life! fuck it!GIVE METHE PILLS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!fjgfgwrug2rgrgrguhgrhrghrghhgrhghghrghrghhghghghghhghghghghghhgh
helppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Re: alone alone alone TRIG

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:27 am
by Aleshadxcherylc
:cry: :cry: been on a suicude website
Can't deal with it
All alone as normal
"All by myself don't want to live all by myself anymore !"

Re: alone alone alone

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:33 am
by belle
Hi Katie.
Please try to reach out for some help and keep safe.
I'm sorry you feel so bad.

Re: alone alone alone

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 9:57 am
by Avalon
Katie, hope you got through the night ok? x

Re: alone alone alone

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:37 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
People writing notes on my car saying
"As your so tight to not park anywhere else would you mind not parking so fucking close to our cars so we can get out have some consideration!"
I don't need this this has sparked lots of eveything was weighing me down now this has tipped me want to kill myself or them if I knew I fucking don't need thus I came home and raged scarced of myself things are changing as it is I've lost it complelry I dot exist I'm out of this body I don't need this shit from people argh kill me now
I ended up scratching my stomach which I haven't done in ages and punched my leg everywhere I go I upset someone or whatever I do I upset someone I'm a selfish bastard everyone hates me in horrible
FUCK IT ALL emotional all over the shop just Everythibg dark can't see a light help me please udyydufyyggydggcjcggggggffggguhggxsggxgfgffgcfcfgfggggvgfgffffgfvggfgxfddtdffvjdfvhgg
Good night and goodbye

Re: alone alone alone

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:42 pm
by butterflygirl
im so sorry to see that you are still struggling so much. i know from experience how horrible it can be to feel suicidal and that it is such a struggle to resist what your mind is telling you to do. but please know that people here genuinely care about you.

i hope you can find the strength to hold on for a little longer, remember these thoughts wont stay there forever, please consider calling a helpline such as the samaritans 08457 909090 just so you can talk it through. they are completly confidential and will stay chatting to you no mater what you have done and they will only call for help if you ask them to.

please keep chatting on here, sending you very friendly ((((hugs))))
take care of yourself