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Emotion and pain

Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:56 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
Trig . :( :? :cry: :twisted: :!: :|
Eveyone hates me don't belong anywhere cya nobody cares as usual i dont care either cya peeps
I feel invisible and nobody understands and never will
F it !
BYE!!

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 2:15 pm
by MythEagle
Alesha,
You are not invisible here. You can see that by the number of views you have on this post, and from the responses you have recieved on other posts. As people here have said to you before, on this forum at least people care about you and want to be able to support you. What's going on that makes you feel invisible out there? We are listening and we do care.
Edan x

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 2:23 pm
by oobat
Here and listening Alesha, Love`n`Hugs xx Jim

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 3:36 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
Thank you all sorry to confuse you all my username is Aleshadxcherylc but my name is Katie I know I'm odd lol!
I feel invisible because I felt like nobody cares I feel people everywhere don't understand my issues including the ex therapist situation which was 5 months ago and for 4 weeks my private therapist I'm seeing is on holiday and it feels like after me holding my barrier up and not letting her in and now I have and she's gone away I said to her that I understand shes human and needs a break but thankfully as it's 4 weeks and she knows I've been messed about I can see someone else for that time that she knows who is another therapist. Just starting getting into routine she's only going away for 4 weeks but it did upset me and she said she understood as she knows I can't deal with endings but she said at least she's coming back it's not like Im back to square one again I've known about the holiday since I started with her felt like I was starting and I feel back to square one but she deserves a holiday after dealing with me
It's just nerve wracking that after 4 months I feel like I was just starting but anyway I've been seeing her for ages felt like I haven't progressed she says I have. But it's my fault I've held the barrier up
The Ex therapist thing is still affecting me I still hate myself I hate my weight always on a diet can't look in the mirror haven't done for years as I can't bear to look at my hideous face and weight everyday is a battle and a struggle
Still on pyscotherapy 6 month waiting list hence why I've had to go private but it's bankrupting me but then I can't cope alone ?! Been 4 months bet they have forgotten me and don't care If I do start its going to be what the cbt team set up for me and it's going to trigger things seeing someone again in the nhs after my ex therapist
I feel like I'm going to be on therapy the rest of my life as its become a part of
My life and I take so long
My dads got cancer he's going through chemo even though it's 95% success rate he doesn't deserve it it should be me having to go through it
I've lost my ex therapist and can't get over it I mention her in Therapy I mention her name and it hurts and i cry I don't know how what where and why I can't get over it And it being 5 months on I'm pathetic
Anyway it's all a mess I'm invisible fat ugly stupid hopeless worthless low emotional don't want to live
I suppose I just have to accept that for 21 years my life has been horrible and it alway will be it won't change I'll always be alone eveything bad happen to me and my family what's next throw it at me push me in the ground even further I'm
So selfish
Majority of death I've been through so why can't it be me they've taken eveyone else why not me now !
Thanks all for replying but there's no point in my existence being here or nothing
Katie
X x

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 3:49 pm
by oobat
Hi Katie, I`m on a waiting list for therapy at the moment - can`t afford private. This after 3 different assessments and referrals ,sometimes feel I`m banging my head against a brick wall! When I get to the top of the list it will be around 12 sessions, just about time enough for me to get to know and trust(?) the therapist. Mental health care is a lottery in this country. Sorry to hear you are so down at present, I hope posting on here helps you a little, we try to support each other through the dark times, Love`n`Hugs xx Jim.

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 8:02 am
by Aleshadxcherylc
Thank you
Sorry to hear your on a waiting list too
X x

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:10 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
Had a breakdown at work yesterday because of my life and what was happening at work thankfully no one suspects anything Back to acting again
l went in today feeling embarrassed and shaky

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:33 am
by Virella
Hiya hun
How are you doing today? What kind of job do you do?

x

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:58 pm
by Aleshadxcherylc
Hi Leanne
Thanks for caring I've got a headache today I suffer a lot with them I think it's a tension headache I feel low emotional panicky on edge failure eveything shitty Tired drained
I'm never good so feeling awful So much is going on right now in my life I can't handle it no more 21 year of hurt and emotion and pain I want to die and I want it to end now nothing's ever going to change I want to die! Been feeling like it for years
Hope your ok
I'm an office assistant part time for 4 hours but trying to change to be a Primary school teaching assistant with the young children Just want to curl in a ball in my bed and never come out which If I'm not working I don't go out its the only time I'm out of the house as its 4 hours I work the rest of the time im in my bedroom and I never come out
Just Want to sleep forever my ex therapist has abdoned me eveyone has :cry:
X x

Re: Emotion and pain

Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:06 pm
by Virella
I'm an office assistant too....boring isn't it!! ;-)
It sounds interesting about the move to being a teaching assistant, is that something you've always wanted to do?
Why do you think nothing is ever going to change? If you change your job like you're trying to do, anything could happen! :)
Keep smiling and keep posting, just talk it out xx