MY WORST NIGHTMARE NOW LOST HER *MASSIVE TRIG*

[Aleshadxcherylc]

I will try not going to be easier thank you all for your continued amazing support. Just don't want her thinking badly of me that's what is upsetting me as well as not seeing her.
I will try that.Shell think I'm weird girl with serious issues.I wish I knew what she thought.
I feel like I've been pushed into a deep sea and I'm drowning I can't keep going.
Hope everyone else is ok tonight.
Xx

[judithj]

she won't think badly of you: she's a therapist and non-judgemental support is part of the job description. you may not see it now, but she's done the right thing in ending therapy that wasn't working so you can get the right sort of therapy. she's not upset, distressed, angry or feeling let-down in any way: to her you are someone who needs a different kind of help so she's referred you to get that help. you're a client, like all the other people she works with, and like some clients, you need a different type of therapy.
the more you dwell on this, the harder it's going to be to engage with therapy which can help you, so you need to start looking ahead instead of back, and to stop reflecting your feelings onto her. you feel hurt, let down, grieving, as though there's unfinished business, but she doesn't, hugs, Judith xxx

[Aleshadxcherylc]

i get all of what you're saying but because i got attatched to her i hope i didnt make her feel awkward in any way and the way i came across to her obviously wasnt very good, but if i hadnt have done that they might have given me a second chance? she was a trainee so she might not have expereinced it before so she might think i was werid and mad to get attatched to her.
Because bascially i lost my grandad whislt a couple of weeks into CBT so i went off track and thats when the attatchment really started then i found out the CBT was time limited then i panicked and everything overtook me my own fault i know! i remember coming out of the first session really positive and was like yes this is going to help and ive wasted it!. If i hadnt got attached and just messed up by the CBT going wayside then they probably would have given me another chance hadnt they?. so then i would be starting again on the road to recovery and i would be getting better, i dont understand why they wont let me have the other sessions i was still owed with her anyway which obviously means im odd and they think im pocessive and got serious issues because i got attatched! because otherwise they would have let me back wouldnt they.?.I've got a telephone call with her in 2 weeks don't know weather to ask these questions as my mind is going overdrive and it's making me go mad. I just feel because of the attachment she's going to think I'm a weird mad girl just hope I didn't make her feel awkward and the way I came across. but they obviously dont want to give me another shot because im attatched to her so they think ive got serious issues obviously, but if i ahd another chance i would know what i could and couldnt do i wish i knew what i'd known now before starting CBT then i would have got better.
I just wish they would give me another chance i could understand if they gave me 2 chances but to not even let me have another go i think is really unfair ive got an 8-10 week wait for pyscotherapy and i now have no support!.
if it wasnt for my stupidity i would be going to see her right now as we still had about 8 weeks which is a long time! i saw her on tuesdays at 1.30 and we'd be working on getting me better right this second! but i screwed up because i got attatched!
xx

[judithj]

you're not stupid - the therapy didn't work because it was the wrong therapy for you. going back over it and finding new things to blame yourself for won't help you. there are 2 reasons why you wouldn't have had the rest of the sessions: if the therapy wasn't helping you, then it's a waste of time and resources to continue - there's probably someone else waiting for CBT who can now get therapy; continuing would have increased your attachment to the therapist and made it harder for you to cope.
you're not going to have any more sessions with her, you have nothing to feel guilty about and instead of dwelling on how upset this is making you, you need to accept that this therapy is over. every time you think about how upset you are, every excuse you think of as to why you "need" to see her (no, you want to see her - that's not the same thing), you're dwelling on the problem, you're making yourself more upset and less able to cope, hugs, Judith xxx

[Aleshadxcherylc]

Thanks judith.
Doesnt help the way i feel.
Have you had any experience of pyscotherapy is it structured?. im just wishing now i never got attatched how different it would be.
The only thing is ive now got a long 8-10 week wait for an assessment appointment and i have no support, thats why keeping on the CBT would have helped me structure, my mum suggests when my therapist rings up in 2 weeks time maybe she can just ring me up maybe once a week or maybe every 2 weeks as i now have no support at all, im re-reading over the stuff of CBT and if only i got another chance, its just what shes thinking does my head in and is making me go mad.
i dont know what to do for the best.

xx

[judithj]

re-read the CBT stuff and try to put it into practice, but concentrate on the techniques and not on your therapist. you have nothing to apologise for, no reason to feel guilty: these feelings are symptoms of your illness, try to see them that way. when you feel guilty tell yourself, "this is a symptom, just like pain or a temperature" and the best way to deal with it is to stop making it personal, hugs, Judith xxx

[Aleshadxcherylc]

I dont think it would be so bad if i could go straight onto pyscotherapy but i have a long wait. have you had any experience with pyscotherapy?. is it structured?. im re-reading the CBT on the internet on what should have done i dont have many resources that me and her did together apart from some breathing exercises.
xx

[judithj]

i haven't had psychotherapy so i don't know. it may be that a break is considered a good idea, or it may be that that's the earliest appointment the therapist has.
have a look at http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_h ... sych.shtml to give you some idea of what it involves, hugs, Judith xxx

[Aleshadxcherylc]

Thank you will have a look at the link.
Shes going to phone me in 2 weeks time dont know what that will involve? but do you think i could ask as i have no support and the support group she suggested runs whilst im at work so i cant go and as i work part time, work wont give me the time off, that she could phone me every week or ever 2 weeks till pyscotherapy so at least theres someone there?.
I also feel very odd as ive been typing into google about if people look at their therapists facebook profile page to see if im the only one does it?am i the odd one and only one who does it? ive read comments and i must be really odd and stupid in the head and a freak because everyone else has commented and it says it werid and the reasons for thiking of doing it!, For me it just comfort to know that she is a normal human being like the rest of us and its comforting to see her picture and to know shes ok if she updates it odd freaky i know but i am anyway and also about keeping pictures of my phone of her, people saying to other people its odd and weirid on websites, so like i keep saying to everyone this just shows how odd werid mad creapy i really am, i never told her anything about this whilst in thereapy which i now feel really bad about, but nothing i can do about it now!
hope your ok today
xx

[Aleshadxcherylc]

STILL FEEL THE SAME 6 WEEKS ON it hurts so much
xx