Going to go and see a GP tomorrow im so scared as its not my GP and i needed an urgent appointnment and my doctor didnt have an urgent appointment till next week.
Im going to try to explain to him how i wont cope without my therapist when therapy ends as im just starting to progress and im going to go back down again afterwards ive been pushed from pillar to post for 2 years to get me on the right course of therapy and now ive found a therapist for the first time i feel comfortable with and now its all going to end!. I dont think especially with depression therapy shouldnt have a limit how can they give you a time limit to get better!
Im going to ask him as im so depserate could he ring the talking therapies service up and say how ive been pushed and pulled about so much and how long its taken me to feel like this and she and therapy is helping me so much so if i pay the nHS for my sessions could i still see her and carry on,because me just seeing another therapist and starting from scratch again i wont cope and especially never ever seeing her again she means such a lot to me and as i have been bullied so much and been put down anyone who gives me empathy i cling onto im not like just normal people.I have a learning diffcutly so everything takes me so much longer to pick up then others and shes the first therapist to take this into account and give me more time and been so understanding with me!.
Im just so scared that the GP is going to say the same thing as my therapist "there is nothing we can do about your therapist, you'll have to just go to other therapy and get over it" nobody get this at all! how long its taken me to get this far and now its all going to be snatched away from me!,i mean it hasnt even finished and ive cried so much my eyes hurt and they just want to shut, im not eating properly im self harming and i really am getting to the stage where i want to jump out my bedroom window.
Im going to make the most of the sessions i have left with her but if i could get something like that in place with her and the GP i would progress a lot further with therapy instead of thinking ive only got so many sessions left and then wanting to kill myself!, id ont want to go anywhere or to anyone else shes the only one that gets me and calms me and helps me!.
The doctor is just going to say my worst nightmare so whats the point in geering myself up thinking we can do soemthing about this with my therapist and then hes going to say the same!.
I just cant cope and everyone will go" but your therapist cant do this and only set amount of appointments and etc"!. But no-one gets my situation what ive been through and how long its taken me to feel comfortable with a therapist and i have progressed even though its been little but if they just gave me a little more time with her then i know i would get better! but i know it wont happen! whats the freeking point it aint going to happen! wish i was back at session 1 again! DREADING TOMORROWS GP APPOINTMENT AND REALLY DONT WANT TO HEAR WHAT HES GOING TO SAY BECAUSE I KNOW ITS GOING TO PAIN ME! WHATS THE POINT INME GOING IF HES GOING TO SAY MY WORST FEAR TO MY FACE!
I JUST WANT OUT HELP!!!!!!!
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you