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I'm so scared no-one understand this I WANT OUT NOW!!!!!!!

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Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

I'm so scared no-one understand this I WANT OUT NOW!!!!!!!

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Thu Jan 12, 2012 5:14 pm

Going to go and see a GP tomorrow im so scared as its not my GP and i needed an urgent appointnment and my doctor didnt have an urgent appointment till next week.
Im going to try to explain to him how i wont cope without my therapist when therapy ends as im just starting to progress and im going to go back down again afterwards ive been pushed from pillar to post for 2 years to get me on the right course of therapy and now ive found a therapist for the first time i feel comfortable with and now its all going to end!. I dont think especially with depression therapy shouldnt have a limit how can they give you a time limit to get better!
Im going to ask him as im so depserate could he ring the talking therapies service up and say how ive been pushed and pulled about so much and how long its taken me to feel like this and she and therapy is helping me so much so if i pay the nHS for my sessions could i still see her and carry on,because me just seeing another therapist and starting from scratch again i wont cope and especially never ever seeing her again she means such a lot to me and as i have been bullied so much and been put down anyone who gives me empathy i cling onto im not like just normal people.I have a learning diffcutly so everything takes me so much longer to pick up then others and shes the first therapist to take this into account and give me more time and been so understanding with me!.
Im just so scared that the GP is going to say the same thing as my therapist "there is nothing we can do about your therapist, you'll have to just go to other therapy and get over it" nobody get this at all! how long its taken me to get this far and now its all going to be snatched away from me!,i mean it hasnt even finished and ive cried so much my eyes hurt and they just want to shut, im not eating properly im self harming and i really am getting to the stage where i want to jump out my bedroom window.
Im going to make the most of the sessions i have left with her but if i could get something like that in place with her and the GP i would progress a lot further with therapy instead of thinking ive only got so many sessions left and then wanting to kill myself!, id ont want to go anywhere or to anyone else shes the only one that gets me and calms me and helps me!.
The doctor is just going to say my worst nightmare so whats the point in geering myself up thinking we can do soemthing about this with my therapist and then hes going to say the same!.
I just cant cope and everyone will go" but your therapist cant do this and only set amount of appointments and etc"!. But no-one gets my situation what ive been through and how long its taken me to feel comfortable with a therapist and i have progressed even though its been little but if they just gave me a little more time with her then i know i would get better! but i know it wont happen! whats the freeking point it aint going to happen! wish i was back at session 1 again! DREADING TOMORROWS GP APPOINTMENT AND REALLY DONT WANT TO HEAR WHAT HES GOING TO SAY BECAUSE I KNOW ITS GOING TO PAIN ME! WHATS THE POINT INME GOING IF HES GOING TO SAY MY WORST FEAR TO MY FACE!
I JUST WANT OUT HELP!!!!!!!
KAtie
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you

isabelledefrance
Posts: 752
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 2:18 pm
Location: Planet Earth (most of the time, sometimes lala land)
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Re: I'm so scared no-one understand this I WANT OUT NOW!!!!!

Postby isabelledefrance » Thu Jan 12, 2012 5:43 pm

will think of you tomorrow, I am sure that your GP will treat you with respect whatever he tell you. tell him right at the beginning your dread so he can help you as best as possible x
Do not let feelings lie to you, do not let your emotions bully you x

craziememe
Posts: 5638
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
Location: northwest england
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Re: I'm so scared no-one understand this I WANT OUT NOW!!!!!

Postby craziememe » Fri Jan 13, 2012 5:14 pm

how did you get on with your gp? hope your ok xx
Craziememe

Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

Re: I'm so scared no-one understand this I WANT OUT NOW!!!!!

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Fri Jan 13, 2012 8:44 pm

Thank you craziememe for bothering to respond and think of me.
I went and he said well you have got 10 sessions left! and i can understand what you're saying but unless you pay privatetly you dont get a choice if you went to A & E you dont get a choice of who you want to see but then i thought "but this is different you're telling someone about your whole life in therapy" and i said how its affecting me ie not sleeping not eating properly!,He said i'll see you in 4 or 5 weeks to see how your getting on and feeling and then if your feeling the same they will ring up and talk to them He said dont pre-empt before its even happened you might feel different in 10 weeks! But if they do ring up i guess it will be the same outcome i explained about how ive been pushed from pillar to post for 2 years. they say they understand but they dont he said if you want ask her if she would do anything privatetly?.
I'm going with a list for my therapist of stuff that i want to focus on in tuesdays session.
So i guess i will try not to panic too much and get the most out of her for 9 weeks and then once it comes to the 10th week then panic and freak out and kill myself! i just dont know how they can put a time limit on things saying you have to get better in 10 weeks depression just doesnt go away in 10 weeks!.
Hope your ok
Katie
x
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you

craziememe
Posts: 5638
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
Location: northwest england
Contact:

Re: I'm so scared no-one understand this I WANT OUT NOW!!!!!

Postby craziememe » Fri Jan 13, 2012 9:13 pm

i really sympathise with you cos i know exactly how you feel, i wish i knew what to say but i dont have aany magic answers. im sorry.
my therapist said that i have to think what makes my therapy sessions my safe place and try to put those aspects into every day life but im like you. what if its her that makes it safe, what if im not safe without her and our little room. i dont know what id do if she said our therapy would end. it doesnt bear thinking about.
im sorry things are so hard for you right now, tell your therapist exactly how ou feel. even show her your posts youve written here if it helps.
i hope you feel better soon xx
Craziememe

Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

Re: I'm so scared no-one understand this I WANT OUT NOW!!!!!

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Fri Jan 13, 2012 10:11 pm

She knows how i feel about her as ive written her 2 letters explaining how much she means to me and samritians emails of hows she helped me, and then i talked about last week when she helped me out with my panic attack and again she was the one that got me out of it, it was so comforting to me it sounds werid that she came over and knelt down and put her hand on my tummy and said katie hold my hand against your tummy and she said breathe in and out katie do it with me your ok! that meant a lot i kow it sounds odd but it really helped to think she was helping me thorugh it! and then we talked about how much im going to panic after therapy without her and she said we are only sheduled for 20 sessions like everyone else and i said so theres nothing we can do and she said katie i dont know what to say i cant lose my job, so she said how does that make you feel so i said really sucidial and im going to go self harm and she said is that because ive said stuff you dont want to hear and im sorry for that,so i said yer i just cant cope without you you ahev helped me so much its unreal! she didnt let me go for 25 minutes too make sure i wass safe!, my eyes hurt so much from crying!, Are you on CBT? how long do you have left with your therapist?.
Whens your next session?
Katie
xx
xx
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you

Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

Re: I'm so scared no-one understand this I WANT OUT NOW!!!!!

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Sun Jan 15, 2012 4:35 pm

Why is everyday such an effort!
I know no-one really cares anyway its jsut me all alone in this world
I want it to end right now
*trig*
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you


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