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Scared of being left alone.

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stressed
Posts: 231
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 8:59 pm

Scared of being left alone.

Postby stressed » Sun Jul 17, 2011 1:50 pm

Hi everyone, I feel really embarrassed to admit this but i'm really scared of being on my own. It probably doesn't help that i've spent the last 12 years with my wonderful supportive boyfriend practically 24/7, so there doesn't appear a problem.
Now my boyfriend needs to go away for a week, and has lost his job (we work together).
I know that my boyfriend needs to go away and it's not that I don't trust him.
I don't even know what i'm afraid of, but I know that i'm going to get very distressed and unable to sleep.
Most of my friends are on holiday, and my brother is on section otherwise I would ask them to stay with me.
I've thought about checking into a hotel, just so I feel more safe...but i've got my cats to look after and they will help look after me.
Lots of people are happy living on their own, and I would truely love to be embrace the time on my own..but how do I start?

stressed
Posts: 231
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 8:59 pm

Re: Scared of being left alone.

Postby stressed » Tue Jul 19, 2011 6:36 pm

Thank you for the reply.
I think I just feel unsafe when i'm on my own, in any situation.
I guess I just think that my boyfriend offers protection and will keep me safe, even though he is a big softie.
I grew up with domestic abuse on a regular basis, so wonder if this is why I feel like I always have to be on-guard.
As that was a very long time ago, I would like to be able to relax a bit and make the most of my time alone.
I think i'll just try to keep myself busy..and if I become too distressed i'll call a friend to pick me up and let me stay over.
However I find the cats (pets in general) are usually a good pick up :D

jdxxx
Posts: 22
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 7:15 pm

Re: Scared of being left alone.

Postby jdxxx » Wed Jul 20, 2011 12:25 am

Hiya I really struggled learning how to be by myself again after spendin years of me and my boyfriend livin in each others pockets as we also used to live and work together and I never realised how emotionally dependent I was on him. I couldn't go to the shops/see friends etc on my own without feelin "distressed" then we got seperate jobs and it was the best thing that ever happened once I got over the in initial fear of bein on my own. Not only did it do our relationship good it also really improved my self-confidence. I used to make myself little lists of stuff I wanted to complete that would keep me occupied while he was away. Also if your a secret loud-music, singin into the hairbrush, dancin like an idiot type you have an excellent opportunity here ;)

And if you really don't like bein on your own you can always come speak to the lovely forumers :D

x

stressed
Posts: 231
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 8:59 pm

Re: Scared of being left alone.

Postby stressed » Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:53 pm

Thank you for the your replies. I just wanted to feed-back that my week alone was a surprising success. Usually I just sit at home in the dark waiting to burgled or attacked..not surprisingly this is a) not much fun b) pretty pointless and c) makes me so anxious that I become hysterical.
Not this time...armed with your messages of support. The first break-through came on the very first night when I got home from work. I noticed that the pond pump was broken and the filter was all clogged up. Normally I don't have to worry about the pond, because my other half takes care of it...and although I love the garden previously I would avoid being in the garden alone...but I couldn't leave the fish like that...so I set to work...I was so focused I didn't worry about being alone, I felt a big sense of achievement that I fixed the pond pump and I was happy that the fish had a nice clean home.
During the week I met and enjoyed a meal with some nice new people..and even had a couple of drinks...again I would normally avoid situations like this, like the plague...because they just make me feel too anxious.
I decluttered two recycling boxes of old papers and magazines.(i'm glad the recycling boxes were hungry :lol: )..i'm such a hoarder I can't usually bear to throw them out, and have been known to retrieve items from the bin. Usually I find the whole decluttering process..so stressful that I just give up...but last week I just seemed so much able to just let these un-needed papers and magazines go...and I feel so much better now that they have gone.
I've been cooking, relaxing, and got on really well at work...I know feel more confident knowing that I CAN cope. My boyfriend is thrilled, he left a hysterical blibbering wreck only to find that I had transformed into a much happier other half. My efforts were rewarded with a beautiful pair of earrings...when I wear them I can be reminded of how far i've come.

Sorry about this long post, but I really can't thank you guys enough....I feel like i've been dead for a long time...and i've finally got my life back :)

Finally jdxxx even though I enjoyed your suggestion...i'm comfortable listening to naff music, dancing like an idiot and singing cheesy tunes into my hairbrush...so I substituted watching all my favorite guilty pleasure telly programmes instead, :D

stressed
Posts: 231
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 8:59 pm

Re: Scared of being left alone.

Postby stressed » Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:58 pm

p.s. I've never told anyone i'm a horder :oops: but now I kind of feel better that i've finally 'fessed up :)


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