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Re: Should I ask for help? - Trig

Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 1:53 pm
by river
I managed to speak to my husband this morning, told him that I was feeling bad but probably not quite how bad but I think he understood. He wanted to text some of my colleagues (they're close friends as well) to ask them to give me a ring but I told him not to because I know they will feel obliged to come round and I just don't want to see anyone.

The thought of going into work tomorrow and dealing with the week feels horrible. Might just not go in then speak to care-coordinator in the morning...

I don't know if keeping going is brave or cowardly. I just want out but I know it will hurt people.

Have thought about going to my parents' house for a bit (200 miles away) to escape but they might drive me crazy and not sure if it will help to be away from my cmht...

Not sure what to do for the best.

Re: Should I ask for help? - Trig

Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:21 pm
by caz
heya river...welcome to the boards

how long is your husband away for?....i hope hes not away from you for too long....i know what it feels like to be lonely and dont want to see anybody else....please stay safe hunni xxxhugsxxx

Re: Should I ask for help? - Trig

Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:43 pm
by river
He's back tomorrow afternoon, although tbh I feel like I don't want to see him either but I guess it's for the best. Have ruled out going to my parents' house cos there's no way I could do the journey right now, even if I could cope with actually being there.

Arggggghhhhhhhhhh I just hate feeling like this :evil: I wish I didn't know anyone so I could just slip away and not feel bad about it...

Sorry to moan on and on, I feel like that's all I ever do.

Re: Should I ask for help? - Trig

Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 8:41 pm
by river
Thank you again for your responses, it's keeping me going. Reading other posts has really helped me, I felt so stupid having so many suicidal thoughts and plans but not being able to carry them through but now I know lots of people feel this. I feel in some ways like I should try because I have the opportunity and I don't want to be here, but I also don't want to hurt people so... I will keep going until the morning I hope.

My manager just rang me, she's just concerned but it just feels like more pressure and makes me feel inadequate.

I wish I knew what I could do to make things better... Whenever I speak to someone (apart from my care coordinator who is good with me) they are obsessed with asking me why I'm depressed... If I knew I could try and do something about it but I just feel like everything is crushing me.

Thank you for listening to me vent...

Re: Should I ask for help? - Trig

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:39 am
by river
My husband came back last night which helped a bit. It helped to distract some of my thoughts anyway. Couldn't face work yesterday because I'm so anxious at the moment. Have been referred to the Home Team for a few days so will see how it all goes... Feel like my head is spinning with it all. Thank you again for the support, it really has helped me. xx

Re: Should I ask for help? - Trig

Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 6:32 pm
by river
Am seeing someone from the home/crisis team everyday for a few days... I hate it, it stresses me out more than just not talking about things. Well, some of the people are ok but I find the sessions with them more stressful than helpful... I find it so hard to explain why I feel so bad and I just end up feeling embarassed and awkward. Hate it. :twisted:

How are things for you, Daisy?