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trig*

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Dovahkiin
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:01 pm

trig*

Postby Dovahkiin » Tue May 31, 2011 8:25 pm

Went to visit my friend who's in a mental health unit this evening(I was in the same one, it's where we met), they tried to kick me out because apparently visiting hours are only til 7. Every other time I've gone I've been there until nearly 8 and no ones ever said anything. I swear they're just trying to stop me seeing her. That place is making her 10X worse and they won't listen to her because she's sectioned. Anyway the reason I'm posting is because of their attitude towards me, like I'd done something really terrible. I know it sounds like something trivial but I'm so offended and upset all I want to do is cut and cut. If I can get to the knives without my mum noticing I will. I just feel so hurt. I know it's a stupid thing to be upset over and I'm really pathetic for feeling this way. I just want to sit and cry. The people that once cared for me being so horrible. I know my razors up here but that wont do enough damage to be honest because it's a safety razor. Maybe if I broke it it would work better. I just dont know :cry: :cry:

Dovahkiin
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:01 pm

Re: trig*

Postby Dovahkiin » Tue May 31, 2011 8:36 pm

I can't really leave the house. I'm agoraphobic. Slowly recovering from that, but I can't leave by myself. Might see if my mum wants to go to asda or something. Thanks though, that's a good idea. Maybe even go to the park around the corner. Thank you. xxx

lonely2
Posts: 2997
Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 9:28 pm
Location: Midlands

Re: trig*

Postby lonely2 » Tue May 31, 2011 8:40 pm

Cutting won't work as you will just feel really crap afterwards - believe me, I know!
Think of the scars and how much damage you are doing to your body - people have hurt you enough today, you don't need to add to that
When you are a patient in a unit the staff have to be nice to you, they have to care as you are their patient. Now, the only person they are looking after is your friend and they probably don't understand the relationship you have and how much you help each other. They haven't been where you are
I noticed before that this friendship is really important to you but you seem to be very insecure within it. Hopefully one day your friend will not be in the unit and you will be able to run with your friendship - I hope that happens soon xxx
Please don't cut - distract yourself and stay around your family - you are worth more than that xxx
It's hard to keep a secret when it's written all over your body.

It makes you feel able to cope with life, while at the same time it's destroying you.

Dovahkiin
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:01 pm

Re: trig*

Postby Dovahkiin » Tue May 31, 2011 8:46 pm

Thanks so much for your kind words. I don't deserve it. But thank you.
When you are a patient in a unit the staff have to be nice to you, they have to care as you are their patient. Now, the only person they are looking after is your friend and they probably don't understand the relationship you have and how much you help each other. They haven't been where you are

The staff there are shocked when I tell them I visit her once a week without fail, it's as though they expect me to just forget about her because she's locked away. They've not been as horrible as they were tonight and I go every week. I'm very insecure in my friendship, I'm terrified that one day she'll abandon me like everyone else has. I'm finding it incredibly hard at the moment because the staff have taken everyones phone off them and I get paranoid if I don't talk to her. I'll try my best not to cut, it's just so tempting at the moment :( Thanks again L2xxx

Dovahkiin
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:01 pm

Re: trig*

Postby Dovahkiin » Wed Jun 01, 2011 9:35 am

Hey thanks for replying LG & innis. I didn't cut in the end but I still feel like it. My mum's going out to do some fundraising for a charity today so I think I will then.

I just don't understand because last week I was there until nearly 8 and no one said anything and her mum has visited her at 9 before now. I swear they just don't like me visiting her because we talk so openly about things. She's said herself that talking about this stuff and being able to be so open to someone she trusts helps her.

I don't think I deserve to be happy. At all.

Some of the staff there are really good but most are absolutely awful at their job, last week they lost all 4 sectioned patients because someone dropped their set of keys. The patients literally grabbed a chair, walked out the door and jumped the fence and they never noticed.

I always try to be confident so they/my friend doesn't see how crippling this illness still is. But it's really knocked my confidence them not being friendly like they usually are and stuff. I'm so hurt & offended by it. It's made me not want to go back, I will though because I promised my friend I'd see her every week and I'm not going to break that promise.

I don't think they can cope with their job at all to be honest. I must have done something wrong though for them to react so badly to me. I always do the wrong thing & say the wrong thing.

Hugs xxxx

Dovahkiin
Posts: 4216
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:01 pm

Re: trig*

Postby Dovahkiin » Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:18 pm

I don't. I'm a waste of space. xxx


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