I understand. At least in a fundamental sense, I understand. You are confused, overwhelmed. The first thing is to preserve yourself, carry on living as best you can. Your task is to understand. In order to do that you have to think. Try hard. Read. Learn things.
If things get so as you feel they are odd, then see your doctor.
You may have to live alone in the future; that can be a good thing to do, rely on yourself. Pursue whatever interests you.