i'm relieved to hear from you, love, as i've been worried. i know you know deep inside that reducing your food intake is likely to cause an increase in seizures and make you feel weak, but i think you need to keep telling yourself that, and aim for a balanced diet. at the moment, you feel low, you focus on your body, you reduce what you eat which makes you feel weak and ill, while focusing on your body makes your body dysmorphia worse. i know you're tired, but you need to fight this. concentrating on the negative things makes you more aware of them. if you feel this site is helpful, then tell your mother this, and also tell her that unless you are actually making things worse by accessing sites which encourage you not to eat etc, then she has no right to decide what sites you DO access. you're not a child and you need support from people who know you and care about you.
please talk to your course leader or college counsellor about the way you are feeling, rather than skipping college, so they know that you're struggling.
with regard to your boyfriend, does he know anything about your previous experiences? it may be worth saying that you don't feel ready for anything physical yet, because you've had some bad experiences. you don't have to go any further than you feel comfortable with, hugs, Judith xxx