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Trying not to cry

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broken angel
Posts: 783
Joined: Sat May 15, 2010 7:32 pm

Trying not to cry

Postby broken angel » Thu Jan 20, 2011 11:52 pm

:( I'm feeling very hurt angry and upset and i dont know who to turn to anymore,
Ive lost my best friend because she was very mean to me saying eating disorders are attention seeking and im an attention seeker also for cutting, puttng on facebook so whole world can see that im suicidal, cutter, and wants to kill myself, her and her boyfriend said im a waste of space :'(

I completly broke down when they sed that punched wall for first time then kept puching it crying untill nuckles bled, I'm very upset i cant stop crying :cry:
I feel so sad it hurts, i want to do - but plz dont get me wrong yeah im suicidal but im not guna do anything i promise!!!

I needed my so called best mate the most when i was sexually assulted a week before christmas and she wasn't there- i feel so sad tears r coming now - i keep going through that night over and over in my head i feel phsysically sick i want to die,
I hate myself and its all my fault!!!

I wish i wasn't such a freak i hate that every person i get with hurts me , never had a boyfriend whos been nice, one was for a while but then he got controlling and ignored me for oveer a week then finished me because i was TOO DEPRESSING :?
My first eva boyfriend threatened to kill me, my 2nd one sexually abused me and controlled me , and the last one sexually assulted me :( :( :( :cry:
I'm so depressed i just want to die!!!
I miss it when i was happy- i dont member last time i was happy,

Pushing my care worker away she doesnt understand me well, i cancelled todays appointment and regretted it so left voice mail asking if can still see her she never replyeed it upset me coz she cud still of rang even to say no :'(
i feel like i dont matter now and no1 cares, also was crying to eating disorder specalists because i was soooo down and asked them to ring me and i got no reply that was 2 days ago nor as amanda (care worker) rang bk from 2 days ago when reception said they'll ring me bk....

I give up - better to hide away from the world

broken angel
Posts: 783
Joined: Sat May 15, 2010 7:32 pm

Re: Trying not to cry

Postby broken angel » Fri Jan 21, 2011 7:59 pm

im sorry for your loss lipsyloss thats horrible - loosing someone is sooooo hard im still greving for gramp who died 2 yrs ago so i understand- how u coping?

munchkin - thanks for ur kind words and support, i just feel like a big fat disusting failure!!!
i wish i cud believe that im worth it but i know for a fact im not, i feel like such a selfish bitch im moaning bout everything when theres people out there worse of that dickhead me!!!!
but my depressions got hold of me bad!!!

im so depressed all i do is sit writing depressing songs - as any of u 2 read them ?
xx

broken angel
Posts: 783
Joined: Sat May 15, 2010 7:32 pm

Re: Trying not to cry

Postby broken angel » Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:18 pm

Hey hunie awww bless u it is hard to cope,
most days i wanna give up aspec recently but im not as suicidal as when
i was wen tried to kill myself couple of months bk now,
i cope by cutting but trying ma hardest to stop, do u still suffer from an eating disorder?
i no how u feel i also suffer from an eating disorder (anorexia) and my fuking god it pisses me off soooooooooo much it rules my life!!!
but im trying :)
i made a website: feel free to check it out
http://beateatingdisorders.webs.com/

uglyducklin
Posts: 2351
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:57 pm

Re: Trying not to cry

Postby uglyducklin » Sat Jan 22, 2011 10:43 pm

Hugs hun so sorry you are hurting.Not great with words right now but please tell someone what is going on so they can help you.Sorry to be useless you know where I am if you need mex


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