How do I describe how I feel - I guess I don't at the moment - Feeling really down as it would have been hubby's birthday tomorrow and I always planned something special for it. He died just over seven years ago. I am seeing a trauma counsellor as I have survived a "few" crimes and am trying to deal with various flashbacks and other things that are happening in my life.
The problem at the moment is that some of the flashbacks are linked to more than one crime and my brain is having difficulty separating out the "events" in my mind. It knows that there are a number of years between the two events but the similarities are so vivid and real it is as if it is happening all over again. I hate feeling the way I do at the moment - but I cannot seem to change - I seem to be on a downward spiral of depression - and I don't seem to be able to put the brakes on - part of me wants to join my husband - the one stable person in my life that made my life worth living.
I feel so worthless at the moment - I am a nobody - just someone to be used at set aside.