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not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:39 pm
by craziememe
im feeling low tonight. have got stuck with an eye infection and all one side of my face is swollen and red, i look like ive been punched. i feel achey and irratable.
my mum went out this afternoon and left a box of cocodamol on the side by accident (she takes them for her bad leg) and i spent half the day staring at them and the rest of the day, even now, thinking about them. she was mortified when she came home and realised she'd left them out and i told her she needent have worried but i lied.
i want to take them all. end this life. im tired and fed up of living with bpd and pyhcotic depression and ptsd im tired of smiling and trying to be alright for everyone else when i feel like im dying inside.
im trying coping strageties and i know i only have to say all this out loud to my sw or support worker but i cant. im scared and frightened and i dont think i can cope with these suicide feelings again.

hope everyone else is ok.

love to all xxx

Re: not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:43 pm
by judithj
hey, keep talking to us, love and please please talk to your support worker about how you feel. you've been here before and got through it, so hold onto that, hold onto us and hold onto your wonderful son. you're not alone, hugs, Judith xxx

Re: not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:13 am
by BlackRose
It's great that you didn't take the pills. Try to be strong and talk to us. Hugs BlackRose x

Re: not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:40 am
by Kankapoo
Hey Hun glad you didn't take them and although you thought about it you still didn't which is great and shows you are getting stronger hope you start to feel better soon Hun here if you want to chat x

Re: not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 8:26 am
by Robbie
Well done Meme! Proud of you. Keep it up! x

Re: not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 1:04 am
by craziememe
physically im better apart from a constant cough that is very irritating and wears me out- smoking 40 a day does not help though.
emotionally i am broken. consumed with inner pain and i just want it all to end.
i tried to strangle myself with a belt today. i just dont know what to do anymore. so so tired.
and i know there is nothing anyone can do to help me, noone can stop this pain. and thats what hurts the most- noone helped me then and noone can help me now.
xx

Re: not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 2:34 pm
by judithj
we want to help, love, and you know we'll listen. please could you get the cough checked out - the cigs won't help (you need LK's pink fags), but you could have some irritation or swelling from the strangling attempt.
i know it feels as though no-one will help, but please keep trying. you matter a lot to us, hugs, Judith xxx

Re: not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:08 pm
by craziememe
thanks j, i was feeling slightly better this morning- not as desperate but as the day has gone on ive felt worse and worse. i know i keep saying this but i just dont know what to do anymore and im tired. xx

Re: not feeling good pos trig......

Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:11 pm
by judithj
take it little step by little step and keep talking to us. maybe it won't change much, but at least you won't be alone, hugs, Judith xxx