I would like to get some help and advice. Both me and my mum are adults.
All my life; ever since I was young, my mum has severe mental health problems. She has just been told she has anxiety and depression but I believe it is more than that. And I don’t know what to do.
My mum flies into rages, for things that seem completely disproportionate. She becomes violent, to herself or to other objects around her - For example yesterday she threw down things she was holding in a rage, and the glass smashed all over the room and water and other cups went all over the floors. In the past she has thrown and hit things, and hit herself (eg hitting a bowl on her head), screaming she wants to kill herself. She tells me she also flies into rages or screams when she is outside the home - when she gets angry with other people in a supermarket, or receptionists etc.
She tells me it’s my fault that she is like this - because I’m the only one at home who makes her fly into rages. She says she would be fine if she was on her own at home. She tells me the reason she smashes things and throws things and hits herself, is because in that moment she wants to kill her self - and there’s a risk of killing herself, and that I should know that because I’m pushing her to it. So she says she has to throw And smash those things because otherwise she would do something “worse”, ie kill herself.
The situations that this happens, it’s completely disproportionate. Eg the last time it happened, my mum needed to do a household task and because she procrastinates a lot, I kept reminding her to do it for 5 days. On the 6th day I got very irritated and anxious and asked her about it in the evening, saying it should have been done by now. To that, she flew into a rage and smashed a glass, water cups and a toothbrush she was holding. She says it happens when she is already tired and stressed and when I put pressure on her.
The difficult thing is that she continues to blame me, and I feel very guilty for it and like I am a very bad daughter, she doesn’t have a diagnosis for it so I don’t know how to get her help. I cannot leave the house either as I am bedbound due to illness so I depend on my mum and my boyfriend (who works full time), for my care. My mums rage is not related to me being ill, she has been like this ever since I was very little.
I know she loves me but she becomes very strange when she goes through these rages. She is currently being seen at a nhs clinic but they’ve just said it’s anxiety and depression, and also referred her to a Autism assessment, because I believe she could have Aspergers (I was diagnosed with Aspergers a few years ago and it can run in families). However I do not believe these rage issues are due to Aspergers at all as I do not get these rage issues.
She also has OCD, hoarding behaviour, gets paranoid about things, and says she doesn’t feel much and feels numb.
I cannot go anywhere to speak to anyone eg family counselling, due to being bedbound. Do other people have experiences on this kind of behaviour - If so what conditions do your loved ones have? I really want to somehow get my mum the correct help. I don’t know if it’s bipolar, BPD or intermittent rage disorder, or something else?