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Partners alcoholic Dad moved in with us after Detox - not coping

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Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2019 1:34 pm

Partners alcoholic Dad moved in with us after Detox - not coping

Postby chasingjess » Thu Nov 14, 2019 1:50 pm

Hi All,

I am new to this forum so please bare with me (unfamiliar with correct terminologies or anything so please take no offence).

I feel I need some advice regarding my new living situation. My partners Dad is an alcoholic (over 40 units a day on and off for years) whose second wife kicked him out just over a week ago and as a result he was arrested and started going into detox whilst in the police station. As a result he was taken to hospital to continue his detox. He had very severe symptoms and was very sick and confused for many days.

On Monday he was allowed to be released - but he's not allowed back to his house and no one else in the family was able to take him so it was either - my partner (his eldest daughter) finds room in our apartment or he goes into a hostel. So we bought a blow-up mattress and have emptied some of the very small second room for him to sleep in. His clothes are currently in our big bathroom (we luckily have an ensuite). Other than that there is an open plan kitchen/living area and a small balcony. The whole flat has three rooms so its a bit of a squeeze.

Anyways - I agreed to all of this as I understood that this was the best option for him - a hostel wasn't a good place for him to be, he was still a little confused and hasn't lived on his own ever (he's had two wives but that is it). My girlfriend works from home and so can keep an eye on him, and her brother is local so can also help a little.

Problem is me - I cannot deal with having him in my living space. He's a lovely man but he's a stranger to me. I've suffered in the past with anxiety over living with other people and new living situations. I spend a lot of my time crying and/or arguing with my partner and he's only been there four days. Our sofa isn't big enough for three people to sit on; He wants to spend most of his time with us; He gets up super early in the morning and stays up super late at night so he's always in the living room when I get up; When he does go into the second room it's for short amounts of time.

Don't get me wrong - hes a lovely man and has offered to help around the house, he's tidy and easy going and helps a little with the shopping and chores - it's just me. Has anyone got any advice as to how to deal with a recovering alcoholic and/or how to deal with unwanted house guests?

Currently there is no potential end date for this arrangement although I made it very clear on agreeing to it that is should be short term. He's not well enough yet to make a decision on how to move forward and seems to be a bit in denial that he won't be allowed back in his house as his wife has some sort of police order against him entering until December.

Thanks all

Posts: 227
Joined: Thu May 16, 2019 3:35 pm
Location: Coventry

Re: Partners alcoholic Dad moved in with us after Detox - not coping

Postby hyster » Sat Nov 16, 2019 9:42 pm

i think u just need to bide ur time, ur fella cant kick his dad out when he needs help so badly.
tell ur fella tho that u need space or alone time with him, ur fella needs to juggle it.

Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Jul 18, 2020 3:30 pm

Re: Partners alcoholic Dad moved in with us after Detox - not coping

Postby prycejosh1987 » Sat Jul 18, 2020 6:20 pm

I think you should create a bond with him, for everyones sakes. It can help you and him on success.

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