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Any help, really needed please..

Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2019 2:59 pm
by hamilton
Hi there I hope anyone can help me, or advise me, I am desperately looking for some counselling for my partner and I. I have tried Mind, Relate etc. but to no avail. She suffers from depression and is already currently in counselling for this twice a week, but her depression is affecting our relationship very badly, she is angry all the time and I seem to trigger her anger by saying the wrong things (not intentionally) for which she blames me for and she has terrible screaming outbursts (non violent) but vicious, terrible name calling, once she sees red I cannot seem to stop her and she tells me I can't deal with her outbursts and I don't know what to do, which is true, I try not to say anything but if I do say something it's wrong and the anger is two-fold directed right at me, it's like witnessing a different person. She is telling me we should split up, we had 2 months apart in the Summer due to a bad row, then we came back together which was wonderful, but now they are again getting more and more frequent again, I don't want to split from her, but I am finding her anger getting more and more vicious.. she says I cause her anger I don't help her, I'm not good for her, I just don't know what to do anymore, I never start the arguments and they crop up when I least expect them. Sorry if this is rambling but I am very stressed and upset, her last e-mail to me was very upsetting and was just sentences and sentences about all the things I 'don't' do for her and that she can't trust me anymore. I don't know what to do and I need help, it's knocking my confidence greatly as all she does is tell me how awful I am to her, (which I'm not) I just don't know what to do in her rages, she tells me I don't learn and I'm not doing anything about it, but I don't see her working on her anger either.. it's a no win situation and I am starting to resent her and the anger myself is building up because I feel repressed and can't answer her back all I seem to do is defend myself, rather pathetically..

Thank you for listening.

Re: Any help, really needed please..

Posted: Wed Oct 16, 2019 6:02 pm
by annabell
I can see similarities in your post and my current situation. I can actually see myself like yourself and your partner. I get annoyed with my partner for some things and I know he sees me in a different light.

It really is a complicated situation

Re: Any help, really needed please..

Posted: Tue Oct 22, 2019 2:31 pm
by akhan
Hi love,

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

My advice would be to sit down with your partner in a neutral space - not at either's home or the car, rather a space that is new, nice and in public. This will help her not to have an outburst, hopefully. Tell her that you love her and that this situation is getting out of hand. Tell her that you as an individual do not have the means to help her in the way that she needs help. The help she needs is psychiatric and medical, so only a qualified practitioner can actually help her in that way. She is in therapy, so she is already on that journey. Tell that though you cannot do much, you can be there for her. Let her know that you being there for her is a taxing on you but that you want to support her because you actually love her. Tell her you still see the real her through all of this. Remind her that you are human too. Get it all out but in a way that is calm and respectful way.

You must think of yourself too. If she is becoming abusive, you must think about what is best for you too. And as hard as it may be, considering whether or not you should stay in this relationship is necessary for you own self care. I've been there. I know what you are feeling. Its awful to lose who you love to this illness. But she can come back. Dont compromise yourself too much in the meantime. Self care first x


Re: Any help, really needed please..

Posted: Sat Oct 26, 2019 6:15 pm
by ioncoder
Have you got a good doctor?

My son has depression. He does not get angry, rather withdraws and has been suicidal at times. It is not possible to describe the feelings that you go thorugh as a parent.

The thing that has got us through it is first of all a good doctor, councilling is now getting us through the otherside and we can see some light at the end of the tunnel but it has taken a few councilors to find the write one.

Whilest seeing different councilors we have had a single golden thread that helped us and that was good doctor who would take the time to listen.

Please don't loose hope, keep your chin up. The fact you have written this post shows how much your partner and the relationship mean to you. You can't do it alone though, you must continue reaching out for help. If the councilor you are seeing is not working, try another.

Take care and stay strong

Re: Any help, really needed please..

Posted: Sun Oct 27, 2019 4:14 pm
by rsxo

Re: Any help, really needed please..

Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2020 6:27 pm
by prycejosh1987
You might need to start being more honest and open, when talking to her, even if it offends. Good luck.