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Depressed husband - I don't know where to go for help?

Posted: Fri Mar 01, 2019 12:14 pm
by hmmmmmf
Hi,
My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for almost 4 and been friends for 16 years. He was diagnosed with anxiety and depression just before we got married and had gone to the doctors for support due to being unhappy in work and feeling like he needed to keep everyone happy but couldn't. He was offered counselling and went to one session but said it wasn't for him.
My husband has been married previously and has two beautiful boys, he gets down about how he isn't there for them everyday but also understands that the relationship he was in wasn't health for anyone.
I noticed a huge dip in his behaviour in January and tried to get him to open up with not much luck. We are currently expecting our first child together and were looking for a house and I think the magnitude of the situation got the better of him. He started confiding in other females, too flirty and personal for me not to consider it to be emotional cheating. When I questioned him on it he lied to start with and then told me he had been feeling low and having suicidal thoughts. He was booked into the doctor the following day and he's had his medication increased and back on a referral list to see a counsellor. His behavious is still destructive and he is tearing himself up with guilt but to the detrement of his own health, mine and our relationship.
I'm at a loss. I don't know who I'm meant to talk to to make sure I'm ok? I've been as supportive and open and honest as any human being can be but he can't decide what it is he wants. He said he should maybe move out for some time and i've said I'll support that decision if that's what he wants - he's still here (which is what i want) but he is struggling to be 'normal' and fuction around me.

Any suggestions or support would be really helpful.
Thanks

Re: Depressed husband - I don't know where to go for help?

Posted: Fri Mar 01, 2019 10:58 pm
by strugglingmum
hi I feel for you- it is so hard. Try talking to your own GP or a counsellor (about you and your needs). Be nice to yourself. I found a local carers support group (for carers of people with MH issues) really helpful.

Re: Depressed husband - I don't know where to go for help?

Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:58 am
by jerangelis
I think you better consult your husband's doctor. Maybe he just takes a lot of medicine.

Re: Depressed husband - I don't know where to go for help?

Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:47 pm
by robin71
Hello sorry you are having a bad time,

It is common for people to find it difficult when partners confide in others, in fact me being on here is something that my wife struggles with. But it can be very healthy, even just from the point of view of getting things written down. But flirty behaviour I can understand is more unnerving.
However therapy can come in many forms, if he is functioning well in the company of others it could be a good thing, or at least one less thing to worry about. I spect he is puttting up a front with you, holding in emotions, so will be tense around you, all you can do it try to let him know that he can say anything he wants to you, and not to be ashamed of how he feels.
R

Re: Depressed husband - I don't know where to go for help?

Posted: Mon Apr 01, 2019 2:09 pm
by firebird123
I've just joined this forum and community and your post is the first one I read as it is most similar to my situation.

It is so good to know that we are not alone. It certainly feels lonely having to deal with a situation like this though, eh?

How are things now?

Re: Depressed husband - I don't know where to go for help?

Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 2:09 pm
by blueberryblue
Life changers are hard for us all e.g. moving house, having a baby. But definitely worse for my husband who suffers from mental health issues.

I am by no means an expert in any of this but think if you can cope with 90% of the challenges that come with living with someone who suffers from mental health but find it hard to deal with the flirting- you should say that you find that hard and upsetting - you are not robot and I am slowly realising we don't have to be. It's great that he is perhaps getting some light relief but shouldn't be at the detriment to your happiness.

This is my first post (on a forum ever), I have depressed husband (have had for 9 years) and feel I can't talk to anyone about it as if feels like a betrayal to him. But recently I've been finding it harder and having a bigger impact on me and how I feel / react - guess it's high time I start talking to someone- even if it virtually on a forum.....gotta start somewhere.

I hope it gets better for you and good luck becoming a mummy!