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My boyfriend had BPD

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corb
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2019 9:38 am

My boyfriend had BPD

Postby corb » Mon Jan 28, 2019 10:00 am

Hey! So, I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for around a year and half now. It didn’t take either of us long to fall for each other, he told me he loved me after one month. Took me a bit later but I got there (I have trust issues due to past relationships). Anyway, we’ve been very open and honest about each other from the start. He told me about his BPD just a few weeks into the relationship. He has many friends and close family, but less than a handful actually know that he has BPD. We’ve been through so much together in such a short time, but lately, his low episodes are lasting a lot longer. He’s tried different medications but stopped medicating last September. They were making him sick and he felt worse because of the ED issues that comes with taking the medication. I’m trying so hard to get him to try again, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. We had an amazing Christmas together, but he hit a low at new year. And he’s been stuck in it since then. Usually if he’s having a hard time the episode will last 5-6 days at most. This has had been continuous for 3 weeks now. I feel like it’s starting to affect my mental health. I can’t sleep or eat with worrying about him all the time. I try to put on a smile and a brace face around him but he sees that I’m really struggling, and I think is making him worse. I pretend to be happy and joke with him to cheer him up, and he does a little then it goes way back down again. He’s not at any danger to himself or others, but I don’t know what else to do to help him. I’m really struggling right now, and I don’t know what to do. Usually I just plough on with it and he’s fine, we’re fine, but because it’s been a lot longer this time I’m so emotionally and physically exhausted. I have no idea what to do.

nicola
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2019 8:30 pm

Re: My boyfriend had BPD

Postby nicola » Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:13 pm

I'm in the same boat Corb. My partner is having the worst BPD episode in my 27 years of being with him. It's incredibly hard seeing someone you care for suffer so much and whatever you do seems too little too and doesn't seem to even scratch the surface. Hang in there. My partner is just getting worse into a downward spiral due to major financial concerns and I am limping into Monday when the mental health team get on board. Stay strong.

supportivewife
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:13 pm

Re: My boyfriend had BPD

Postby supportivewife » Fri Feb 08, 2019 11:44 pm

Having a husband who has Mixed Personality Disorder, I know how tough that is and how stressful/upsetting that can be. Please try to look after yourself as you will be a good support for your boyfriend if you stay strong and look after your own physical/mental health. It sounds as though you are already being a great support for him by cheering him up. It is very hard not to worry about a loved one who has a personality disorder as it is really distressing to witness. I have highs and lows with my husband, most days are lows at the moment as he refuses to seek help; but I plod on trying to help him as best I can. However, I have come to realise since he has been diagnosed that you need to invest time in your own needs and live your life as best you can by seeing friends/family and enjoying social activities. That is how I cope and find things a bit easier when I return home to my husband. SANE website is a great source of help I've found whether it be the community forum, text care, by email or through their helpline so please use them if you are struggling. I have also found the following website incredibly supportive and they also have a forum for carers - https://www.carers4pd.co.uk/

I wish you and your boyfriend all the best.

Aileen x 8-)

corb
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2019 9:38 am

Re: My boyfriend had BPD

Postby corb » Sat Feb 16, 2019 11:30 am

Thank you so much. It’s never been this bad before or lasted this long, so it’s having a huge effect on myself too. And I feel so selfish for feeling like this with everything he’s going through. He’s had an ok few days. It’s always worse at night. That’s when he gets really low. I just wish he would accept the help from the doctor Bc I can’t stand seeing him like this. It breaks my heart Bc it’s just not who is at all. He’s the most loving and caring person I’ve ever met. I am trying to find time for myself also these days. I take a one day every few weeks and spend it with some friends just to chill and relax and let off some steam. I feel guilty as hell, but it’s whats keeping me going. He gets really upset sometimes and doesn’t understand why I put up with him and why I’m still with him. That kills me. I manage to calm him down and reassure him better now though. At first I had no idea what to say or do. I was just in shock I guess. But at the end of the day, I love him for him. His BPD doesn’t define who he is, he’s still the same guy I fell in love with and this sounds crazy, but I honestly fall in love with him more and more everyday.

supportivewife
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:13 pm

Re: My boyfriend had BPD

Postby supportivewife » Sat Feb 16, 2019 11:01 pm

Hi Corb,
I know exactly how you feel as I still see my husband as the man I fell in love with too and know that he is a great guy. It is just this awful illness that takes hold at times and makes him extremely emotional and angry. I too can feel guilty at taking time out for myself to see friends/family and just relax, but you are doing the right thing as you can't focus all of your energy onto your boyfriend and have to take care of yourself and your needs also. So just continue with what you are doing as it sounds as though you are supporting your boyfriend well while seeing to yourself also. I'm sorry to hear things are so tough for you just now and I understand completely as there are days when my husband is really bad and I wonder if I can take it anymore; but I persevere as I love him and believe in him and would never leave him. But it is soul destroying at times. Stay strong and if you need to talk then I am happy to listen. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best for the future. x 8-)


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