With a depressed person

[akhan]

Hi everyone.
Pretty nervous about posting, I've never been on a forum before. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read what I have to say.
I've been in a relationship for nearly 3 years. The man I've been with is who I considered to be the love of my life. However, about a year or so ago, things really took a dive. He was showing very clear signs of depression and PTSD. I begged him to get help before it became worse, but he shrugged it off. Slowly but surely, he started to change into someone else. I would go ages without hearing from him. He had no desire to be around me or do anything he used to like doing. I have had depression before and believe it's something that I'll always dip in and out of. But this guy truly was the love of my life and though I've had s ppme.depression while I've been with him, having him was always my silver lining. Please don't take me wrong - depression is a monster and I know that being in a relationship should be the least of someone's worries when they are like that. I've been there myself.
The thing is, he's treated me quite badly through all of this. But I can't seem to walk away. He has done a lot to hurt and betray me. I'm finding it hard to forgive but also feel like I love him and don't want to leave him. I don't know what to do.
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[robin71]

Hello,
Well done for posting, it's actually pretty quiet in here recently, perhaps they went to twitter.

It's a shame he didn't get help
I rule of first aid is to look after yourself first because tou can't help anyone else if you are not ok
So the priority is to look after yourself, talk to your friends be sure about what you want.

Learn to be assertive with him, he is not alowed to damage you too.

Do you have a clear picture of what your options are?
Robin

[rach476]

I’m sorry you feel like this, it’s not a nice feeling, to love someone with depression is a feate within itself

It’s hard especially trying to look after your own mental health too, when you say betray you what do you mean?

there comes a point though where we have to really think about if the relationship is good for us, don’t ever feel like you are abandoning them, you cannot allow your own mental health to suffer also.

[akhan]

Thank you so much for getting back to me. I am in love with him. But he hurts me so much. Sound like a love sick teenager, but I really thought we could be happy. I feel like my hope has shattered
He has currently blocked me from every part of his life and every time we do speak, he blames everything on mental health. Everything. Interestingly, everything apart from me remains unaffected, like work. Maybe that's his way of coping but I feel so awful all the time. Feel like it's made me depressed all over again. I feel selfish but I'm say my wits end.

[robin71]

Hello, You both sound like you are struggling. Have you thought about couples therapy?

There is always hope, but it may not be with him. Have you told him that you do not want to go no like this and are prepared to take a different direction in your life if necessary?

Does he need to also face up to the idea that his relationship is not good?
Work stress may be the problem, unfortunately many jobs are all or nothing, and relationships are eroded, and taken for granted.

You don't sound selfish to me.

[paulgonzales86]

Forced him to go for a doctor. what are problems ask him to share with you? Try to find a solution and also keep supporting your bf always. Make him confident for problems to face. Dont keep the problems inside and also say think too much on this.

[ralphmcdonald]

When there comes a word relationship, at some point we should face such problems. In such a situation we feel helpless but the only thing we can do is to face it and try to find a way to keep your relationship safe. As you said he treated badly but there may be some situation that made him depressive. So give him space for some days and simultaneously try to find the reason behind his behavior. Hope he will realize soon.

[hamilton]

Hi there, I am going through a similar situation with my partner of 3 years, you love them so much, but sometimes you get a reality check on how their behaviour is making you feel and bringing you down yourself, does he have anger issues towards you? So many times I have wanted to walk away and 'save' myself but you love them so much you just carry on.

You could try couples counselling, I went to Relate with my partner, but because my girlfriend is so affected by her depression, the counsellor wouldn't see us as a couple, and suggested she get some help first.. but finding a good therapist is near impossible these days..

You are not alone in your feelings believe me!