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Suicidal in University

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tryingmybest
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:35 am

Suicidal in University

Postby tryingmybest » Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:50 am

Hi. This is my first time posting for something like this but I really don't know what I can do anymore.
My best friend and I go to university together currently and we are both first years. She has had depression and suicidal thoughts for a majority of her life and it has gotten especially bad since we started school. There has not been a day where I've seen her that she hasn't mentioned how badly she wants to die. It has even gotten to the point where I had to call the head of her dorm to go check on her because she seemed so set on killing herself that night. It definitely doesn't help that she lives on the 8th floor of her building. The phone call led to a free counseling session but any further sessions would cost money.
I try to tell her how much I care about her and I avoid the generic "it gets better" kind of lines because she's at the point where she believes nothing will get better and everybody hates her. My most genuine words don't seem to get to her and she refuses to get help because we're in university and her family is already struggling with finances. I'm writing this right now because she just told me that she's seeing all her friends tonight to say one final goodbye. I know she is always serious when she says stuff like this, but I can never tell how serious. She genuinely has the intent to die but I can usually tell if she would go through with it or not, hence why I called the head of the dorm during a previous time. I would do that again now, but she said her conversation with the head genuinely made her feel worse and I don't want to put her through that again.
I'm at the point where I don't know what to do and I want to cry everytime she talks about it. I know as a carer, I need to be strong for her, but I'm scared everyday that it'll be the last time I see her and it would most likely be my fault. I don't know what I expect from this forum but I guess I need support to help support her.
Thank you

leanne
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2018 12:12 am

Re: Suicidal in University

Postby leanne » Tue Nov 20, 2018 3:28 am

Hi

Sorry to hear your having a tough time supporting your friend. It sounds like you are trying your best to be supportive and that’s the important thing. I am in a similar situation which I am struggling with to I can’t give much advice but I can say try and let your friend know you are for her and if she is feeling particularly bad try and stay with her or encourage her to ring or text you.

I know it’s a tough situation but try not to blame yourself. You are doing great by being there for her. Remember to look after yourself to. It’s easy to forget about yourself when trying to support someone else but it’s important to have time for yourself and to look after yourself as it can take a toll on you to.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-sup ... _Nr8CGnyEc

I’ve found some information on that link helpful myself.

Look after yourself.

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Suicidal in University

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Tue Nov 20, 2018 7:45 pm

Get her to put the Samaritans number on her phone

And then ring them together - get her to do the dial - but you can have the conversation if she wil not

Be honest and say why you are ringing - which is to cross over that line so that it is easier if that line becomes real one time for her - and to understand what might happen and how it would work

And never blame yourself for anything that does happen - do the best you can for her now and that is all you can do - and that carries no blame and is just the opposite

Many people just vanish when they have to deal with / support - someone like your friend - so instead feel proud of yourself and what you are doing
And yes it can/will be hard - so feel doubly proud
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

tryingmybest
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:35 am

Re: Suicidal in University

Postby tryingmybest » Wed Nov 21, 2018 6:27 pm

Thank you both for your support

I guess it just really sucks because going home from university should be helpful but her family is one of the main reasons for her emotional distress. She’s told me previously that I’m her biggest and sometimes only support system and I’m honored to be so but yeah, it’s really stressful and I feel terrible when nothing I do seems to help. She’s also really vocal about her mental health so it’s not like I have to coerce it out of her, but she’s also vocal about not getting help and not having the resources to get help.

I’ve never really been depressed but it’s definitely taking its toll on me and I know to give myself some me time of course but yeah. Thanks for your input. This has been me rambling on at this point but yes thank you

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Suicidal in University

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Wed Nov 21, 2018 9:41 pm

So here is the homework

Ask her and go down as far as you can go with follow up question to follow up question after each answer

Here is the question - and it is a tough one
You are very vocal about your mental health issues - but then also wont seek help - I am baffled what you gain by not doing so - so there must be something that you are hanging onto to keep yourself in your current position - what is it that you are hanging onto - and why
Are you scared of something
Are you now this person and you are scared of no longer being that person and this is now your identity that you feel safe/happy with
Then go deeper and deeper as far as you can

Resistance to change is a very common feature when people see therapists
They can go nowhere until that person has really decided themselves that they want to change
And I mean WANT to change
Because it is them that have to do the work
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

ldg134
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 23, 2018 12:29 pm

Re: Suicidal in University

Postby ldg134 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:08 pm

Hi trying my best,

Can I just say I'm in a similar position to you so I understand the strain this is putting you under. The previous person's advice is amazing and so practical. And boy, yes difficult questions, but also very important.
Can I ask if there are wellbeing services run through your university? It is a standard thing these days for universities to offer help, certainly so in the UK. I would say go to them and say you are worried about her because this is a lot of pressure for you to deal with and try to help alone and you need as much as help as you can get (believe me I know!). I don't know if your local NHS crisis team have been helpful, or if you know much about support services in your local area? If you are at any point critically worried at what she might do you can call those services.

Once you have had the conversation with her about getting help, you could offer to go with her to the doctor for support. In my experience the person suffering generally finds it really difficult to communicate with docs who are on time restraints for assessing whether someone gets mental health support.

Finally, you are not to blame for any part of this really difficult situation. It sounds like you're trying to be really strong for her and it's a very steep learning curve supporting someone through suicidal feelings and attempts, so try to be kind to yourself.
I hope that helps.
L xxx


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