It sounds like you want to be submissive to her, but not that she is dominant, so I would focus on how you can make your relationship equal. In this case pandering to her is what you want but not healthy for the relationship.
(There are various reasons why you may have become submissive or lost your self esteem)
Your terror is unfounded, you can cope with huge loss, it is not easy but there are healthy ways to do so. If you can some how focus on where you are now, and not on your fears, that may give you a little space to work on the problem. I am not saying live in denial, we all have to accept fate, but it's OK just to focus short term, when we are struggling.
If she thinks it might work then, relate sounds like a good idea, it seems that you are reporting conversations with no common ground. On the other hand you say you are devoted, and she has waited while not being happy for years, and is still waiting. Even if you had a separation tomorrow I still see hope in both your actions if not your words, a counsellor could help.
(One each) hug hug