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Depressed partner pushing me away - need support

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
charlierose
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2018 10:45 am

Depressed partner pushing me away - need support

Postby charlierose » Mon Oct 29, 2018 11:28 am

My partner of three years has just broken up with me. The problem is, we’ve moved to his home country from mine where we were both living and I have no support network here at all. We haven’t even been here two months and he’s called it quits.
We’ve been planning this move for over a year, because he has been so unhappy and homesick where we were. He’s been unhappy with his job for a long time and whenever something stressful at work takes place (he went on stress leave a few months ago) he pushes me away and inevitably breaks up with me, blaming me for all his unhappiness. Am I really to blame? I’ve only ever tried to help and encourage him and make him happy.

He’s had a hard childhood and has some issues he needs to sort out regarding his parents, but when we went to counselling and this was bought up he dismissed it and won’t talk about it.

He recently started taking antidepressants but now wants to stop them because he says he’s not depressed but that it’s me who has been making him so very unhappy throughout our relationship.

Our relationship has never been perfect but we love each other so very much, and I’m struggling to recognise the cold and angry person he is being now.

He’s told me he will book me a flight home if that’s what I want to do and that he won’t be changing his mind. Please does anyone have any advice? I’m absolutely devastated, and can’t accept this is truly what he wants.

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Depressed partner pushing me away - need support

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Mon Oct 29, 2018 10:00 pm

Well it is not really the correct attitude for this forum but I would take the ticket and bugger off

Unless you want a long term challenge that might take up the rest of your life

Maybe it is actually just you - in which case best to call it a day and go
Otherwise, you are in for the long haul in supporting him

What I would suggest you do is seek support on this forum and from friends back home and start to try to work out where and if you can really fit in and how you can help him

Currently, if you love him I would say it was far to early to throw in the towel and I would hang around a decent while longer and seek solice from back home and here to help keep you going

While in the back of my head - and with friends - start to play with the idea - what if it is all over - what am I going to do and try to think of positive life changes - new opportunities - a complete change - a pause - a rest - new career - new place to live etc
So that I was mentally starting to put myself in that place in case that s what it eventually comes to

Good Luck - and I mean that

What two countries are involved
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Depressed partner pushing me away - need support

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Mon Oct 29, 2018 10:05 pm

In case it helps I have been in a relationship on and off and stuck with it for various reasons that I have always described as not made in heaven but functions fine on planet earth

But I do wonder if I have been a fool and should have given up a long time a go and found someone that I really gelled with
And my own answer to that is that I think - as I type (lol) - that I should
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

charlierose
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2018 10:45 am

Re: Depressed partner pushing me away - need support

Postby charlierose » Wed Oct 31, 2018 12:18 pm

So, I’ve booked a flight back home today. I am absolutely devastated and can’t believe our relationship has come to this.

I feel so betrayed that he has turned his back on me like this, after promising me a future together.

I really hope me leaving will give him the wake up call he needs to get some help and acknowledge his part in this.

I’m so low. Please, can anyone offer me any words of encouragement?

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Depressed partner pushing me away - need support

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Wed Oct 31, 2018 11:20 pm

LOADS but only so much typing time

Look you are out of a situation that was going to be tough or tough - and in the long term
Now you are in a position where it is tough in the immediate term

But also you are luckier than many in that with it comes a line and some sort of closure being possible
It may take a while for you to get to a good place

But being on that plane back home is the start of it

I hope you use this forum to help you and until the day when you realise you have not needed for it for a while
And then pop back and say - bye

Good Luck

It is crap - but there is closure with it - better than open ended hell
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

sirhugo
Posts: 630
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Depressed partner pushing me away - need support

Postby sirhugo » Thu Nov 01, 2018 8:12 pm

sounds to me like you've had a lucky escape

I have depression myself and i will maintain this till the day i die. its not an excuse to give your loved ones a hard time. He was taking all his problems out of you and that's not fair, mental health issues or not

I know it will be difficult, but you should try to forget about him and move on. distract yourself with new activities and friends. find someone you trust to talk to

in the meantime, as you said hopefully you leaving with give him the push he needs to get the help he needs.

take care


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