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The Hard Yards ...

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
mezzaninedoor
Posts: 1050
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2015 5:27 pm

The Hard Yards ...

Postby mezzaninedoor » Sun Oct 14, 2018 3:56 pm

I've had a tough year this year but I have actually done very well, I've had 3 major episodes and only amassed 12 days off work.
At the same time we moved the in laws in with us in February 2018, they are 84 & 86, it was the right thing to do but it is a headf£$k.
We are asked where we are going all the while and to be honest I just want to say 'Out' and 'Dont know when we will be back' sometimes, however I guess we have to respect that they are old and what have you, however they do push it sometimes making us their little slaves.
I dont want to end my days bitter towards them but sometimes it feels like I might.
Anyway I juist wanted to say hello again as Ive been away from the SANE forum for quite a while.

maisi
Posts: 527
Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2018 9:29 pm

Re: The Hard Yards ...

Postby maisi » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:04 pm

Oh my god family pressure is such an extra element in life, I hear you. I've ended up the nearest relative to my parents out of a big family, and I'm not working, and I can see the trajectory as they age (they're both 79). Plus I'm already a full time carer, so am a bit of a sitting duck for parental care.

Try and be clear in yourself what amount of support is reasonable and workable, and protect your life- sad to say but sometimes you need to be a bit heartless to meet your own needs, which is also best for them, so you can give what you healthily can.

mezzaninedoor
Posts: 1050
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2015 5:27 pm

Re: The Hard Yards ...

Postby mezzaninedoor » Wed Oct 17, 2018 5:15 pm

Yes I hear you.
My wife & i are not retired yet so it all on top of having a job.
TBH
The most frustrating thing is how little the rest of the family helps. They dont check in when they are booking holidays to see if they can provide respite care for us etc etc. I think they can be a little selfish and we need a break now & then.

Its going okay BUT I can't tell them off when they do numpty things as they are not my parents so Im sort of in a lose/lose position.

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 554
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: The Hard Yards ...

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Fri Oct 19, 2018 9:15 pm

Get the rest of the family involved

(A whatsapp group chat thing can be good - if you are a smart phone user)

Ask them to help DIRECTLY and specifically - it works better

Say you need a break/hols etc
You were wondering between a number of dates - and whom can cover what - it gives then less wiggle out of it room

Even if all you start with is a couple of nights away and drive to the nearest B&B

It starts the process of it not just being the two of you

Thanks then afterwards - say it helped a lot - and that it has made you realise that it is is good and important that you get supported so that you can continue to managed with the bulk and that you think regular might be best so that you have something to look forwards to etc

And then repeat the process on a regular enough basis that it is seen as something that everyone chips in on

Good luck
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

rsxo
Posts: 1163
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: The Hard Yards ...

Postby rsxo » Sat Oct 20, 2018 1:57 pm

Hey mezzaninedoor,

Nice to see you back! :)

Much love <3
RSxo <3


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