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Husband in a bad place

Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:17 pm
by nh2605
My husband has suffered from depression for the last 16 years, has never been off tablets and had very good and very bad periods. We have two children and recently has been finding it very hard to deal with situations where one of them gets upset or angry about something. Today my son was upset that his headphones were not working and was being a bit whingy. My husband walked out, said he felt like he should go and die rather than come back to the house, because he feels like he is not made to feel welcome and is constantly shouted at. Problem is this is not the case, the good times out weigh the bad times by far, but he just can't see that. When I try to talk to him I just get told I am making it out everything is his fault. He is so very depressed but won't admit it and refuses to go to the doctors due some bad experiences. Everything is always other peoples result and I am really feeling st the end of my tether. I don't want to give up on him, but am also finding it increasingly hard to live with him. Just looking for support, not really advice, I know I have no choice but to continue to be his carer.

Re: Husband in a bad place

Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2018 3:35 pm
by christabel
Hi nh

How have things been today?

I hope you are getting some support and help. You are very important and need TLC too.

Hope you, hubby and family find some peace.

Chris

Re: Husband in a bad place

Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2018 9:57 pm
by nat004
Hi,
I can't tell you how much reading your post made me feel that I'm not the only one going through this. I've been with my partner for 6 years, he has depression and anxiety, similar to your husband at the moment he is in such a bad place that he refuses to see a doctor due to previous bad experiences, he focus's only on the negative and I am just reaching the end of my patience. He has stopped working and spends most of his days lying in bed on his phone. I just feel like a carer? It's not even a relationship at this point and there seems to be no help/advice or support for people that are supporting their partners with mental health, but just to let you know, you are definitely not the along in this situation! Xx

Re: Husband in a bad place

Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:59 am
by lucym
Hi

You’re not alone in this by a long shot. I sense you feeling fed up- same. Supporting my partner while writing a dissertation and no time for looking after myself properly like seeing friends, and no sex life at all cos of his meds and no promise that it’ll ever really change. Its been like this for most our relationship and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s ever going to be different. He’s on the mend, bit by bit, and I’m grateful for that, and of course I know I’m not going through it, I’m the support, but I feel you, this is fucking draining.
Sorry, I only ever seem to go on here to complain- which isn’t that often to be honest, any other time I’m way better at being supportive and patient and understanding. But just right now, it’s got on top of me, can’t sleep and over worked. I know how you feel when you say you feel like you’re just his carer. It sucks.
I know that’s not a very positive spin on things, but sometimes you just want to say the uncomfortable things- it’s a support forum, where else can you say it?
Let it out if you’ve got more- I feel a bit better just for grumbling. Hope you’re ok xx

Re: Husband in a bad place

Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:45 pm
by nh2605
Thank you for your replies, things are no better and he is really bringing us all down with him. Last night again, my son got upset and things went haywire. He is having problems at work and this morning went to work, but would hardly eat breakfast and admitted he was depressed. I am also feeling depressed today at the thought of it. Just finding life so hard at the moment as every day is a challenge not to make him feel worse.

Really good to know I am not alone.

Re: Husband in a bad place

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:41 am
by lucym
Hi nh

Sorry to hear it’s such a struggle at the moment, I’ve been there with my partner a few times and it’s never easy.
I don’t know if anyone has ever said this to you before but one of the best oieces of advice I was ever give was that I needed to detach from my partner’s ‘energy’. I know the word energy sounds a bit hippyish but by that it just means their emotions, their state of mind, or like you say you could go down with him. I know that would be a lot harder for your kids though. Have you thought about family therapy? I know a few people have done it through period last of difficulty and it’s really helped them communicate better. I know it might be a challenge to get your husband to agree but of course he’s not the only person in the family suffering because of his illness and if he can understand that then it might make things much easier on you and the children, not least so that you can find the strength to be able to support him as t sounds like you’re all at the end of your tether. I find gentleness, deep breaths and finding the right moment also helps when I want I suggest something to my partner.
I hope that’s a helpful suggestion anyway.
Lots of love

Re: Husband in a bad place

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:40 pm
by hopesanddreams
Hi both,

As you may see by my other posts I am in a very similar situation with my hubby. He has good periods but also very low moods where he doesn’t eat much and will not sleep/sleep all the time, he also has periods of anger where his temper is really short and he’ll snap at me and blame me for everything and if the cat so much as meows he’ll shout at her and kick her out. It’s such an emotional rollecoaster and as you say it’s fucking draining! I love him so much and I keep fighting for the good times because when they’re good I couldn’t be happier, but recently it seems fewer and further between these and he has completely given up. On us, on life and he keeps pushing me away. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I talk to my friends for support but they don’t really understand and most of them wonder why I put up with it. It’s hard because I know it’s his illness that makes him like this but at the same time I feel like an emotional punchbag. It’s nice to know there are people out there in the same situation that completely understand x