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how can i help my daughter stay safe?

Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2018 2:24 pm
by calico5
hi, my daughter is 34, married with a two year old. She was diagnosed bi-polar 2 when her son was 12 months old. Last November she took an overdose, thankfully she regretted it instantly, told her husband and was ok. She seemed to be ok after that and swore it would never happen again but 2 weeks ago she took 60 pills, left a note and went to bed. Again she was very lucky and survived. I don't know how to help her apart from my unconditional support but I am also having to battle with the mental health team to get her more help and support. They have a crisis helpline but she has rung them twice saying she feels suicidal and they told her there was no one to help her and told her to go to A&E.
She has been on the waiting list for CBT for over a year so we are now looking at private counsellors.
I feel at a loss, we don't live very near to her and I am always so worried that she will attempt suicide again. Her medication is now in a locked cupboard to which her husband has the key, but I can't help but think that if she is that determined she will find other avenues.
She seems reluctant to ask for help apart from me and her father.

Re: how can i help my daughter stay safe?

Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:54 am
by capitalt
Not sure what to say other than it must be hard for you.
It's good her husband is keeping her safe, hopefully keeping an eye on her condition, and trying to keep her mood stable.
It is good she's looking to her parents for support, so recognises she needs it.
Out of hours crisis support does seem sadly lacking, even in hours can be sporadic, Home Treatment /Crisis Teams only get involved infrequently and for short periods, then it's back to community care and Care Coordinators, plus GP.
The best place to go is her GP or A&E, at least she'll be safe and treated for any injuries.
It can be very saddening when someone feels so low they want to end their life, equally hard for the person feeling that way, life can feel overwhelming and that there is no way out.

Good luck.

Re: how can i help my daughter stay safe?

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:57 am
by lucym
Hi Calico,

That sounds like a really hard situation, I really feel for all of you. I know how scary it can be not bowing if you can keep a loved one safe and at the same time really empathising with the torture that’s going on in their head.
Sadly I know as well how useless the nhs mental health services can feel, especially the crisis team. The waiting and the box ticking and then the paltry help that might eventually come, it’s a disgrace.
When my partner took an overdose last year his meds were looked after by his parents who live nearby. Unfortunately that created a situation where his relationship with his mother suffered as it became all about the meds. I imagine it could be putting some strain on your daughters relationship with her husband, so maybe you could talk to him about it? T sounded perverse to us at the time but the psychologist suggested that an element of trust was needed eventually to help us come out of that dynamic, although my partner doesn’t have bipolar and of course is a different person and so much of this rests on the individual. It’s probably a good idea for you to cultivate some kind of supportive relationship with her husband anyway, if you’re not already. I’ve found it really helpful being able to talk to his mum and sister.
Is private therapy an option for your daughter? Is she part of any support forums herself? I’ve found that when it comes to the nhs, it’s a battle because everything is so underfunded so you kind of have to be prepared to keep nagging. Sorry I know that’s probably not the positivity you need.
Have you thought about any counselling for yourself? It could really help to get some support in that area, so you have somewhere to offload and look after yourself. Or family counselling? It may help you all to communicate and support each other through this? I can’t imagine how worried you must be but do try to take care of yourself- if for no other reason than to be able to support your daughter.
Hope that’s helpful. Xx