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Support groups for spouses??

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
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Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:57 am

Support groups for spouses??

Postby eternalsunshine01 » Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:08 am

Hi all, this is my first time posting. I am exhausted emotionally, my husband has had quite a severe breakdown and I’m struggling to cope now with my own anxieties. He is receiving help - he has had the crisis team involved and is due to see a psychiatrist. I have had an appointment with my own gp who says my reactions, anxieties and paranoia are all natural given what I’ve seen and how I’ve physically had to stop him from killing himself.
He gets angry with me quite frequently which I find makes me feel very panicked. He blames me for his current situation.

I would really just like to be able to talk to others in similar situations. I don’t know if carer groups exist or what. We’re in our mid 30s and I never expected to be going through any of this. Does anyone know if there are face to face groups (I’m based in the Midlands) or do most of you in this situation seek support via these forums?

Thank you

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Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 9:58 pm

Re: Support groups for spouses??

Postby popping-candy » Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:16 pm

Hey welcome to the forum. So I discovered this site after researching a lot to find a bit of support for partners. I did not find a whole load unfortunately even though it's obvious there is a real need. The mental health facility my partner was under during his worst breakdown offered some support for carers - which often unknowingly (or it was for me) that's what we become.

I think it possibly depends on what you want to get out of the support. But maybe start with asking your gp.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. I often felt completely out of my depth as once your partner has sought help they have the support of professionals and you, then suddenly you're busy supporting someone, trying to hold the general chaos of life together without any help for yourself.

I found one of the ways to try to cope was to look at the behaviours of my partner and decide was this a symptom of his mental health or just part of his personality. For example when your hubby gets cross with you, has it always been that way or is this down to paranoia etc? Once I figured this it made it slightly more manageable and helped keep some resentment away.

Sorry if this is garbled, but just know you're not alone x

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Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2018 10:44 pm

Re: Support groups for spouses??

Postby revrad13 » Fri Apr 20, 2018 11:16 pm

Hi there,

My mother is in the same situation and if my dad doesn't die first, I know that the stress from having to care for my dad will kill her. My dad has psychosis and while it is hard on us all, my mother gets the worst of it when she is the one trying to help him the most. He is maliciously horrible one second then chirpy and talking about something random the next. He can't see what he's doing to everyone around him because he thinks he is the most important.

I know how you feel. I'm obviously not a spouse but I wish there was somewhere people with a mentally ill family member could go and share stories and get support or training on how to deal with it a bit better.

Hang in there and I hope you can find the help that you need.

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Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 4:17 am

Re: Support groups for spouses??

Postby chrisnay » Sun May 06, 2018 11:39 pm


Support for spouses is really something I need, desperate to need to be with people who understand. I did write an in-depth view of our problem, a while ago, but nobody answered. But to be very brief. My husband worked away, if possible I would go with him, we have lived in various countries, and have always been there for one another.

18 months ago he came home on leave, just as we were digging foundations for massive extension, we spent 2 weeks running around, he didn’t feel like he’d had a break, so I suggested he go to seethe dr and get signed off for a couple of weeks, he is still at home and now going through retirement, he is only 52. We have had major traumas , rows, walking out, him saying he tried to drown himself, he hadn’t he just wanted to hurt me. I have no idea what has caused this, he has/had a stressful job, he won’t tell me why he is depressed, he says he has ptsd, and won’t tell me, because then he would have to worry about me. We had big plans for an early retirement, but not this early. He expects me to accept this, and not question, we may end up loosing the house, that doesn’t bother him.

I am under the dr, for anxiety, and am having counselling. I get no advise, sometimes I hate him for what he has done. I have to walk on eggshells, tonight he accused me of stealing from the freezer, I had a iced lolly, if I don’t hear what he has said, it’s my fault.

We have been together 28 years, and have always been tactile, now I feel like I am just looking into a black hole. At a loss as how to get my husband back.


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Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Support groups for spouses??

Postby james80 » Tue May 08, 2018 1:35 pm

If you haven't checked it out already then the depression fallout forum is great for gaining insight and sharing experiences with loved ones husbands and wives who's significant others suffer from depression and other such illnesses. It's a great resource and much more active than this one.

Posts: 189
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2018 4:22 pm

Re: Support groups for spouses??

Postby capitalt » Thu May 10, 2018 9:47 am

Do you have a MIND near you ?
They're a great source of information and support.
I'm in South London and there's a number of organisations.
Good luck.

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