First time forum user here- I just don’t feel like I have anywhere to go and need to find people that understand.
My partner of 10 years and husband of 2.5 years has depression. He was diagnosed about 2 and a half years ago but has probably been on a downward spiral for 5 years.
We have two children together and the problems started when our second was born almost 5 years ago. He’s attempted suicide last October and had panic attacks and anxiety issues too. He’s on anti depressants but stops taking them when he feels like it. And goes to cbt therapy once a week.
My problem is holding it all together. I work full time and look after the kids. My husband manages to get to work but that’s about it. He ignores our children and me most of the time. Which is preferable to him being angry. He sleeps every opportunity he gets. Won’t socialise. Can’t look after the children. If I leave him to look after them he sometimes forgets to feed them, has no idea how to bath them, do homework - get ready for school etc.
I do all the housework, laundry, cooking, school runs, work, kids activities, plus I look after him - and it’s slowly killing me. I’m miserable all the time now. I’m worried and tired and stressed and feel sick all the time. I’m not doing as well as I should be at my job. The kids are noticing, they don’t want me to be away from them and don’t want to be around him.
I’ve tried to talk to him but it’s like he’s just not there. I’ve spent 2 years like this and I feel like I’m in a vice. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. I’ve lost 2 stone in the last year from stress. All my friends think I should ask him to leave but I can’t let go of the person he used to be. But I also can’t wait around for that person to come back and it never happen. What if my children are affected by him. I don’t know if I should keep them in this environment. I just want to scream. I went to therapy for 6 weeks myself but couldn’t even find the time to continue to go to that. Or the money due to the fact my husband has took a demotion recently to help with stress and we still owe his parent money from when he had to have 2 months off from stress which was unpaid.
I just want to feel like there’s a light at the end of this tunnel