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Girlfriends parents won't allow her to get help

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Girlfriends parents won't allow her to get help

Postby baccetu00 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 4:07 am

I'm just wanting some advice on how to help my girlfriend. Since around July she has been spiralling into this pit of depression and anxiety and it's only been getting worse and worse. She's 17, in college and lives with her parents. Her dad's incredibly successful and works away during the week, he is the main problem with all of this. I believe he is a narcissist, he holds all financial control over the household, demands his children are successful and would rather not have a conversation with them unless it is to do with work and academics. He works away during the week and when he comes back at the weekend all he does is belittle everybody, criticise and show his anger, but god help anybody who criticises him. Anyway, my girlfriend went to the doctors over her mental health a few months ago and got a referral to mental health services, she got the appointment and went, but they wrote a completely false report, discharged her and referred her to group therapy. Okay that would be great, but her parents won't allow her to go as she'd be missing 2 hours of college a week. But the thing is at the moment she won't even get up out of bed to go to college at the moment, she doesn't want to get up to do anything, she doesn't want to eat, she doesn't want to watch TV, her personal hygiene is near non existent and there has been multiple times where I've had to sit and brush a head full of knots out of her hair for her. Everyday she tells me how she wants to die and I am so powerless because her parents have so much control. If she has not been to college then she can not see me, I can't take her to the doctors myself her mum demands to take her and often speaks for her. This morning she had a full on meltdown and her mum got her dad on the phone to 'calm her down', but she was just met with 'oh how hard is your life, I don't have time for this' he also rang her later on and told her that she would just 'end up alone and on benefits'. They avoid the problem completely and a few days ago offered to get her a life coach to 'help get her confidence back and do well at college', it isn't a life coach she needs, she needs serious medical help, she needs therapy and possibly medication, but all they're bothered about is her education, which she could easily continue when she's better, right now there's no chance she can continue it. I'm so concerned and I'm powerless, I don't know what do to

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Re: Girlfriends parents won't allow her to get help

Postby mihaela » Wed Nov 29, 2017 8:10 am

I've replied to your other post. :)

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Re: Girlfriends parents won't allow her to get help

Postby teamn » Fri Dec 01, 2017 2:14 am

Wow, this is a hard situation yiurvin, her parents having so much control, which is having negative impact as they won't acknowledge her depression. Not sure why the doctors would allow mum to speak on her behalf, as she 17 that's very strange.

Only thing that NCAA thninof in regards to this dilemma , is continue to be there when yiu can, and encourage her to go to life coach, the life Coach may just tell the parents she needs therapy first, the parents may listen to life coach instead of doctor.

They obviously coming from good place, but I've seen many parents who belittle teenagers depression as just moaning and teenage behaviour ragpther than acknowledging.

Similar to my parents p

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Re: Girlfriends parents won't allow her to get help

Postby amaya » Fri Dec 01, 2017 7:14 pm

If she needs therapeutic help and they are stopping her from accessing it then that is actually abusive. Sorry to speak so brutally about it, but that is what it is. At 17 she has the right to privacy with her own doctor, I am fairly sure that is the case.. she needs to go back to the doctor and tell everything, without her parents involved and get some professional advice on how to move forwards.

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Re: Girlfriends parents won't allow her to get help

Postby lucym » Fri Feb 23, 2018 1:19 pm

hi baccetu

i;m so sorry to hear the terrible situation your girlfriend is in, that sounds so hard. I'm sure her parents think they are doing what's best for her, but as you say, it sounds like their priorities are focused on the wrong thing.
As the previous commenter said, she can see the doctor alone as she's over 16. She can also give consent for the doctor to speak to you, or for you to go with her if that's what she wants. It does sound from what you say, that she needs real therapy and that her parents don't have a real grasp on what depression is. My partner went through something similar as a teenager, so I don't think it's uncommon. I think it can be really scary perhaps for parents to admit that this is happening cos it's not easily fixed.
I don't know whether it would be possible for you all to sit down together to chat? Or to get her doctor to talk to them? I understand how weak and unable to fight your own battles that depression makes you so I can very easily see how she might be feeling. Is she on anything in terms of medication? Seeing as her parents are so focused on this- is it possible to reach some compromise over the college time missed so she can go to therapy? The other side of that is that if this carries on, she's going to get worse and lose more time - so just focusing on academics is frankly quite short sighted. Hope that's not too blunt. It sounds like you're really taking this seriously and I bet she's so thankful to have you caring for her.
I really hope they back down soon.

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