I saw it post and I just wanted to say I know how you feel. Partner has depression and very often doesn’t reply to texts, isn’t able to be affectionate etc. I hope what I’m about to say is helpful but also that it doesn’t influence you too much either way, as whatever (and whenever) you decide (if a ‘decision’ feels right), it has to be right for you as it’s your life to lead.
One thing that has really helped me is to remember my partner’s lack of affection/coldness is a symptom of the depression- ie it’s not about me. It’s not because they don’t want to be around me, but that they’re trying so hard just to get put of bed and function that sometimes, during a depressive episode, which can last for days or weeks, that responses and hugs might be quite thin on the ground. But I am fairly certain, from my experience and from these forums, that your support does mean something. It’s just that he might not be able to show it right now.
On the other hand, that isn’t to say you have to put up with coldness, rudeness, or being pushed away. It is not easy supporting someone with depression, no matter the allure of remembering the wonderful person they are underneath, when that person is being- for want of a better word- strangled by the horrible depression they’re going through, there can be times when you won’t see that great person underneath for a long long time (ps that’s not me saying that’s their fault, it’s totally not and I have so much sympathy, I’m just trying to be honest about my experience to help you).
Remembering they’re not choosing to feel this way, and are having immense trouble dealing with those feelings, is what helps me to be patient with the situation, with myself and to remember the great person underneath. But this also means you need to have clear boundaries- which is something that tends to come with time and experience with the situation.
However- on a practical note, also you need to be honest with yourself. By this I mean how long has your partner been suffering with depression and are they currently getting help or willing to get help? You need to know that you can only offer support but like the saying goes- you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink- Which could be helpful to you as you’re considering whether to stay in the relationship?
I hope none of that was at all patronising, just intended to be helpful and sharing. Just be honest with yourself, have you got the energy to support him And yourself? Depression and anxiety can be catching so if you do stay, you have to learn to detach from his mood- which may sound a bit hippy airy fairy but it is important. It doesn’t mean not caring, but just making sure you look after yourself too. Also if you decide it’s not for you, that’s totally fair enough.
I really hope that’s all been helpful and that things work out and that your partner’s depression improves. Let me know how it goes. (Sorry for the essay).