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Don't know what to do?

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
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Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:08 am

Don't know what to do?

Postby pf » Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:29 am

Hi Everyone.
I am new to this forum, I was just looking online for advise and came across this site.
I have been with my husband for 20 years and during that time he has had bouts of depression. It has been difficult. Just lately after pressure at work he has hit rock bottom and had suicidal thoughts.
In our area support for mental health is extremely poor and we have had little help. He tried medication but it just messed him up and he doesn't want to take any more.
I suffer myself from physical problems which cause continual pain and have been very low. Stress affects my condition and trying to cope with all this is just getting too much.
My husband disappeared at the weekend just gone and I ended up phoning the police. They tried to help but nothing came from it, even though they got a mental health nurse to assess him. He is very good at not telling the whole truth.
I still love him, but have reached the point of not wanting to be with him, if that makes any sense. I really don't know what to do and feel my health deteriorating and mentally being dragged down with him.

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Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2017 5:25 pm

Re: Don't know what to do?

Postby lucym » Fri Oct 06, 2017 11:41 am

Hi Pf,

So much of what you are saying sounds so familiar. I'm going trough something similar with my partner at the moment and also finding it so hard. We've only being together a year and had so nothing near as long as you and your husband, although my boyfriend has had anxiety and depression since the age of 17 and this has been further complicated by a severe long standing knee injury.
Just come back from a mental health appointment with no positive changes or willingness to engage. I feel like I'm at the limits of my endurance. Last week he threatened to punch me as a result of him being outwardly aggressive but inwardly scared because of his depression and anxiety. It's made me start to wonder when the moment might come when he actually does punch me, how much mor so can take and also I've lost a bit of respect for him as a result.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice to give, I'm not in a great place myself right now. But at least we've been able to share our feelings and know we're not alone? I'm clutching at straws.


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Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Don't know what to do?

Postby lilliep » Sat Oct 07, 2017 3:23 pm


I'm going through something similar too. My boyfriend has changed suddenly from the loving, caring, gentle man I love to a cold, emotionless shadow of what he was. I know what has caused this crisis and I know it will end in a few weeks time but I don't know what he will be after. I love him with all my heart but he's just so cold that it scares me, he really doesn't care about me or my feelings at all. I know this isn't his fault and I'm just hoping after this nightmare he's going through is over the man I love will come back to me. But right now I'm walking on eggshells. Stupidly grateful for every message he sends me and every hour he allows me to spend with him. I really feel for you and I hope things get better for you.

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Joined: Sat Oct 07, 2017 11:52 pm

Re: Don't know what to do?

Postby tp72 » Sun Oct 08, 2017 12:02 am

Another one husband of nearly 20 year out of the blue announced he was depressed and put on meds a few months back. Sadly they caused a bad reaction and he did some really stupid things. I know he was ill but he can't not see the hurt and damage he has done to our relationship.

He hasn't told family the full story so I am constantly being asked how is he doing - nobody thinks about me, dealing with him, what he did, work and 2 children one of which a physical disability as well as Autism. Hes told me i'm strong enough to get him through it but at what expense....

I have booked to speak to a counsellor this week as I am at breaking point. Things start to improve then bam! all hell breaks loose like tonight when I asked him to delete a woman off FB.. I only asked nicely as trust is now a major issue and he has seen her half naked, sent her flirty messages and told me when he was ill he thought about driving up to meet I being unreasonable here ????!!!!!!

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Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:08 am

Re: Don't know what to do?

Postby pf » Mon Oct 09, 2017 3:40 pm

No you're not being unreasonable at all. My husband made friends with a lady in Korea.( secretly) I know he wasn't going to meet her but he was saying how pretty she was and she sent him a picture ( accidentally apparently !!) of her in her nightie. He really couldn't understand why I wasn't very impressed.
I would love some counselling but don't know how to go about it?
Thank you everyone who replied, I know it doesn't sort out the problems but it is nice to know you're not alone.
There really doesn't seem to be a lot of help for either the suffering person or their family.

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