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Histrionic/narcissitic personality disorder

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
steve99
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:32 am

Histrionic/narcissitic personality disorder

Postby steve99 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 2:20 pm

Hello

I''ve posted here once before, A while back now. I'm the partner (8 years +) of someone who I suspect has a combination of histrionic and narcissitic personality disorder. It has had quite a devastating effect on me, I've been on anti-depressants for 2 years now. I consider myself a loving and kind person, but my care is never reciprocated and my partners traits match all I have read online about the above conditions. We've been to couples counselling many times to no avail and this has had no effect on her behaviour (I'm sure I must be part of the equation somewhere) After one of our many rows my partner has now slept in another room for nearly a year and requested I move out (we have a beautiful son of two years) I would have left if we didnt have a child together.
I'm at a loss what to do, my partner continually blames me and cant see anything in her behaviour that is out of the ordinary (ironically she works as a social worker on adoption)

I'd love some pertinent advice

many thanks

Steve

streetspirit
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2017 10:14 am

Re: Histrionic/narcissitic personality disorder

Postby streetspirit » Wed Mar 22, 2017 5:20 pm

Hi Steve,

I'm not sure how helpful I can be but I'll give you my limited perspective on what you have described below.

It seems like you've tried a number of ways to work on the issues that you have within the relationship and they have not resulted in any improvement. Have you tried getting psychological support for yourself? I'm not implying that I think you have mental health problems but it seems like you're stuck in a loop and are finding it tough to know how to break out of it. Psychological support could help you to work out what the right way forward is for you, your son and your partner.

Unfortunately when someone doesn't want help or doesn't think they need help there is honestly nothing you can do or say to change their mind, all you can do is give them information and tell them how things are affecting you. With that in mind it's important for you to try to be realistic in all of this, I know how hard that is when emotions are involved.

I'll tell you one thing that I know from personal experience: staying together for the sake of a child can actually do more damage than good to the child. I am a child of a narcissist and my other parent stayed with them for the same reasons you have said. I have a terrible relationship with both parents. I have no relationship with the narcissist and my relationship with the other is fraught with resentment. I resent that the other parent exposed me and my sibling to a selfish and deeply self centred person and basically validated that behaviour by staying with them (they are still together now by the way). It was a terrible upbringing. I know my relationship with the other parent would be healthier and more loving if they had showed themselves and me and my sibling that mutual respect and compassion are vital components of a loving relationship. By staying with them the other parent showed us an incredibly unhealthy model of love. It has seriously damaged both me and my sibling.

I'm telling you my experience above to give you a different perspective of what can happen when people with children stay in unhealthy relationships. Obviously your situation may be vastly different but I ask that you refrain from making the assumption that staying together is always better for the children.

I think with good psychological support you may be able to work out the way forward that is right for you and your son. You could ask your gp to refer you or refer yourself. Or if that feels like too big a step, do you have any friends and family you trust and can confide in?

Liz

steve99
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:32 am

Re: Histrionic/narcissitic personality disorder

Postby steve99 » Wed Mar 22, 2017 8:42 pm

Hi Liz

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I do feel I'm in a loop, but I also feel I have no power to change very much. My partner is wealthy and I think uses this also to punish/negate my feelings or needs. I've tried counselling, but I think your right, some psychological help would be beneficial perhaps, to break the cycle.

Thanks again

best wishes

Steve

streetspirit
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2017 10:14 am

Re: Histrionic/narcissitic personality disorder

Postby streetspirit » Wed Mar 22, 2017 10:55 pm

Hi Steve,

I'm sorry to hear that your situation feels helpless for you.

I would seriously recommend calling the Men's Advice Line: Call freephone 0808 801 0327 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email info@respectphoneline.org.uk

Their website is http://mensadviceline.org.uk

Don't be put off by the details on the website, the support line will be able to guide you in the right direction if their service isn't quite right for you. You'd have nothing to lose having a chat with them.

Best wishes,

Liz

steve99
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:32 am

Re: Histrionic/narcissitic personality disorder

Postby steve99 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 9:12 am

Hi Liz

Thanks so much for your help, I'll give them a call.

all best wishes

Steve


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