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How to help/cope

Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 4:34 pm
by buffy676
My husband suffered with depression and anxiety with PTSD. He sees a therapist and his GP regularly. He tales his medication, exercises, eats well and it is still terrible. We are in a bad patch right now, usually they only last a few weeks then improve. It's been a month and it's still getting worse, he is in physical pain from the anxiety, doesn't want to go to work but forces himself to go. (Work are big great). He is talking about stopping working, however he asked me to not return after maternity leave as having me home and ontop of things is helpful to him.

I can't see what else can be done to help, I do all the cooking/cleaning, don't ask for anything, organise all his doctors etc for him. I don't even watch TV that I want because gaming helps him relax.

I'm at the end of my tether, nothing I can do could help. I can't see what else he can do and he is still terrible. He has suicidal thoughts to make the negative thoughts stop rather than wanting to be dead.

Anyone out there who has anything to help I would be very thankful.

Re: How to help/cope

Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 3:24 pm
by streetspirit
Hi buffy676,
I noticed you haven't received a reply so thought I'd say hello.
You're in a very difficult position right now and I think it's going to be important for you to get some help coping with this situation. Have you talked to anyone about this within your social circle or family? Would you consider asking your gp for a referral to get some psychological support? You can also potentially self refer to these services if you'd prefer not to go through your gp. I don't know which area you are in but if you do an Internet search for IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapy) you should be able to get information on the services that run in your area.
You can also call the samaritans on 116 123 to talk things through - you don't need to be suicidal to call them. They can also help you deal with his suicidal thoughts.
You are doing a lot for him right now and from my perspective, perhaps a bit too much...but I don't want to recommend you stop doing these things immediately because it may make things worse for you. This is why I'd recommend getting some emotional support of your own as a first step.
To give you a bit of background about me: I suffer with severe ocd, anxiety, insomnia and depression. I live on my own and have minimal to non existent support from friends and family. The thing that I want the most is to have people to share things with, not to do everything for me. I would be horrified if I made someone feel the way you feel. What I suppose I'm trying to say is, mental health problems do not give the sufferers licence to push all their responsibilities onto their loved ones. Kindness and compassion shouldn't be a one way street. Even though I go through and am still going through a very difficult time I still have the capacity to show compassion and kindness to those I love. I'm not saying it's all sweetness and light but I don't ever forget I'm talking to another human being who has needs.
I don't know if anything I have said helps you, I hope that you can get some support for yourself because you deserve it.

Re: How to help/cope

Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 10:47 am
by layla33
Street spirit- has there ever been a time when things have been so bad that you couldn't show compassion and kindness to those you love? I have had a similar time with my partner and feel utterly pushed away. It feels as though he has become so wrapped up in his own head he is unable to empathise with me in anyway. When he is well he is so empathic and able to get into other peoples shoes.