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Friend in crisis...again. Warning: ranting

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Friend in crisis...again. Warning: ranting

Postby vitafragilis » Tue Jul 07, 2015 9:39 pm

Why do I have such dysfunctional friends?! I chatted with my friend this morning, arranging to meet her tomorrow at Sycamore House (a cafe and meeting place for people with mental health problems). This afternoon she told me she'd overdosed...again. Bang goes our meeting. Sodding hell. She waited her four hours and reported to hospital. She's now hooked up to the parvolex again. She took 24 paracetamol. I'm not angry. Just so damned frustrated. I was there!! We were talking!! Why the hell did she do it?? It's so frustrating. I tried. I did everything I could and it wasn't enough. I want to scream. She was hooked up around 9pm so I guess she's looking at discharge 6-7pm tomorrow unless she needs a fourth bag. She'll stop throwing up around 4am. Fucking hell. This is a mess. I couldn't do anything. It's not like I wasn't there for her. Why couldn't I make a difference??

Im feeling so useless and I really don't know what else I was supposed to do. There's support groups for carers and family but where's the support for friends, particularly those with mental health problems themselves who tend to get excluded from what are seen as 'groups for those who take care of others' and not those who have their own mental illnesses for which their own families attend the groups. Where am I supposed to get my support? I'm going crazy with all this. It's the second time in a week that she's done it.
When I feel I can't endure, I remind myself that my record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that's pretty good.

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Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:21 pm

Re: Friend in crisis...again. Warning: ranting

Postby PureFrustr8d » Tue Jul 07, 2015 11:46 pm

Hey VF...

I know there is a post elsewhere written by yourself re this friend. At the hospital they said to her she is 'acting out' and the truth of the matter is, she is. This is yet again another example of her inability to process her emotions internally so she acts them out instead. She needs to recognise this.

She sounds very self-destructive, if she can't see that then how can anyone help her. If she can recognise that acting out is her way of processing emotions, then accepts this method is self-destructive there is hope. You can tell her it's not her fault she doesn't yet have the skills to manage her emotions internally, no doubt she never had the role model in her life to help her with that but she is going to have to start somewhere if she wants to see change in her life. When you stop acting out you force yourself to dig deep and bit by bit you teach yourself or if you are lucky enough have people around to walk with you and show you the way.

You are giving yourself stress by not acknowledging that everyone sets their own limitations, it's for your friend to open her mind to a different way of thinking. You simple can't force someones mind open, the most you can do is give her the information necessary but her mind will only accept things when it is ready. I don't know if I'm communicating myself well enough for you to understand my point but I just know from experience that there are some people I talk to and the light goes on whereas there are others who remain lost because they are simply not ready for the next step. If she thinks life is hard acting out - try actually processing and understanding things - no offense but my days of acting out were a lot easier than the psychology and effort that goes in to changing and trying to live a 'normal' life.

So what do you do in the mean time...stop putting pressure on yourself and have a chat with her about how you feel. If she cares about your feelings it will have an effect, if not, no doubt she will act out leaving you guilty and you'll both be in this vicious cycle until one of you breaks it.

I'd like to think this site and it's members are your support. You are not alone.


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Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:48 pm

Re: Friend in crisis...again. Warning: ranting

Postby vitafragilis » Wed Jul 08, 2015 7:53 am

Thanks for your response. I do understand what you're saying. I'm just not sure exactly where she is right now. She'll 'happily' talk to me about her problems dealing with emotions. She's diagnosed BPD and is under a specialist BPD network where she currently has a CPN. She's supposed to be starting DBT soon and was told, yesterday, to buy the workbook in preparation. I don't know if the thought of the change is what 'scared' her into the overdose.
Despite seeming to be perfectly aware of what she's doing, she seems unable to stop. I'm hoping that, once she does the DBT, she'll have the skills to change. It's just very hard for all concerned at this stage.
Logically, I know there's very little I can do right now. However, it's really hard when I'd been talking to her all morning and then she leaves and almost immediately overdoses. It makes me feel like I must have got something wrong that meant her emotions were still too hard despite our conversation. I guess I want to make things better and feel like I failed.
When I feel I can't endure, I remind myself that my record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that's pretty good.

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Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Friend in crisis...again. Warning: ranting

Postby christabel » Thu Jul 09, 2015 9:48 pm

Hi vitafragilis

How is your friend? Are you coping as well? Let us know how you are doing.

Sending a hug. Take care xxx

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