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will the situ improve?????

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
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Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 1:45 am

will the situ improve?????

Postby HELP » Tue May 06, 2014 11:10 pm

I have been walking this road with my 42 y.o. son for three years now since he was first sectioned, trying to help him but things seem to be getting worse instead of better and I am now fast loosing patience with him. No matter what I say or do he takes very little notice and there seems to be no reasoning with him. He is severely depressed but is content to stay in his own little world and does not try whatsoever to help himself. He sees his mental health team monthly and has an injection to help him cope with his condition but won't seek help for his depression. He says they can't help him and he won't go to see his doctor either.

I am banned from contacting either his MH team or his doctor as he says it's not my business what goes on in his life but, at the same time, he spends at least 10 hours each day at my home helping himself to whatever food and drinks he wants as he can't be bothered to look after himself at his home. I am sorely tempted to limit him to the time he spends in my home but know if I do he will be completely on his own as he has shunned everyone else.

He says he has attempted to take his life recently and if I contact anyone he will do it again.
It's like being held to ransom and I just don't know what to do anymore. I have brought up 4 children and have always known what to do for them but now I feel so helpless to change the situ. I don't know what to do to be right.

Any advice would be gratefully accepted


Posts: 231
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 8:59 pm

Re: will the situ improve?????

Postby stressed » Mon Jun 02, 2014 9:19 pm

Sorry I can't offer any advice...but I do feel the same about my Brother.

If I try and help and talk with the Mental Health team...he is not happy and it's none of my business.
Yet if he wants anything he thinks he can get it from me. I have had difficult explaining how this makes me feel, but I think you've hit the nail on the head...with it's feels like being under Ransom.

Friends and Family say you can't help someone like that, and the Mental health team say I shouldn't enable his bad habits my giving in to him...but overwhelmingly I feel like how can I not help.

Again it's got to the point where I am losing patience with his demands and abusive behaviour...I feel like 20 years on and all the time and money I have invested haven't achieved anything.

but also feel like if I don't help him...who else has he got feels like even the Mental Health Team have given up on him.

It's selfish but I'd like to think that if I was in the same situation not everyone would abandon me. I know my depression can make me much less pleasant to be around sometimes.

It's just he is practically a middle-aged grown up man and we still treat him as if he is about 11 years old. It's like yes... he should be free to live his life as he wants...but not get his own way all of the time.

I feel so guilty writing and thinking such things...I love him to bits but I find the not resolving anything, making any headway soo frustrating.

Feel much better for getting it out of my head and on to to "paper" though. I've very much missed the support on here (troubles logging-on).

I wish you all the best, and I hope you can work with your Son to set some boundaries. I have had the most success trying this...try and be fair but firm. Believe me I know it will be really hard...but try and remember it is your house. *hug*

Posts: 231
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 8:59 pm

Re: will the situ improve?????

Postby stressed » Mon Jun 02, 2014 9:27 pm

:idea: Btw I definitely think you need to set limits and reduce the amount of time your Son spends in your Home each day. I would remind him that he is Welcome but that you need a little time to yourself...I don't know, but I am thinking it would be best if you could gradually reduce the amount of your home and try and get him more content and confidence in his own home.

I think we both need to stay strong, support our loved ones whilst at the same time reclaiming our own lives. x

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