Hi redleopard, welcome to the board. I know it's difficult to see someone you care about suffering. Your boyfriends depression sounds really bad. There is only so much bouncing back he can do before the effort of doing that itself becomes tiring. Plus, have you thought about how much that may have been for your benefit and not a genuine feeling of an improvement within himself? It's obvious he cares about you or he wouldn't try to protect from himself.
I hope you know there are different types of depression. The depression you bravely overcome is not necessary the same depression your boyfriend faces and although you understand him to an extent you have said that 'he doesn't want to help himself' ...you know, that's not strictly true. When I get in to my most depressed states I don't have the energy to uphold any kind of contact, it demands too much. I shut people out and don't leave the house and yes the cause is the depression but at the same time this works for me...it's like I withdraw to get my energy back, I just do nothing because I need the rest and peace if I'm to continue.
If he hasn't had a serious dip in the six months he's been with you then trust me, his mind and body need a rest. I appreciate what you are saying but think about it, it's not just low moods and anxiety he's fighting, it's himself. He doesn't sound like he likes himself, this must be so painful for him. Caring about him and supporting and especially standing by him is helping without a doubt but just because someone else cares about you doesn't make you care for yourself. It actually brings tears to my eyes imagining what thoughts are going through his mind re the work bullying...betting on when he'll kill himself, it's inhumane. For someone with so little self worth this must be crushing. They ought to be ashamed of themselves. Maybe they thought he could take the teasing, that he'd shrug it off because to them he doesn't seem like someone who'd do such a thing. Who knows.
Back to the point, 2 weeks...yes I'd give him notice and tell him your plan and that you are coming, even if it's just for a little while. Tell him there is not pressure to commit to when he'll see you again after that because you want to respect his space. It's important not to rush him. Obviously your feelings are important too but in the grand scheme of things 2 weeks apart is nothing when you may end up with this guy forever
Is he on a waiting list for cbt? He felt the benefits of cbt but can't access it at the moment which must feel as if help is just out of reach for him. There is absolutely loads on youtube about cbt, they are actually quite helpful - here is a very straightforward vid that I appreciate for it's simplicity:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEsYiCDoJks
By the sound of it he's expecting you to abandon him. Sometimes we create situations to test a person when in fact it's the last thing we want. Be sure to keep that in mind for the long term.
You have to be mindful not to take things personally or that will reinforce his thoughts that he's bad for you and he may stop seeing you altogether which really doesn't sound like that's where this relationship should go...you both sound like two caring individuals who both care for each other mutually. I found the following vid re abandonment insightful:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9r5dcy4o9Ek
I really hope things work out for you both. You could always suggest this site to him, just delete your post before. It'd sure be helpful for him to know he's understood and not alone with his mental health problems. I'd be happy to delete my post if you thought there was a chance of him using the site.
All the best,