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Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby james80 » Fri Mar 30, 2018 11:17 am

I hope you have a great time ariane. I think I speak for all of us when I say we are rooting for you guys. So nice to see a story actually look like it may have a happy ending!

Fingers crossed for your guy too Lillie. I really hope he gets the outcome he wants from court. As a father myself I can only imagine how all this must be hurting him. You have shown such strength standing by him through all this and I am sure that once he is capable of reflecting on all this after the event he will recognise that. I've had traumatic events in my life and although I've thankfully never succumbed to depression I've felt close. I really really hope he gets a positive decision (for his sake as well as yours) it would be lovely if he can then come out of his dark hole and the two of you can rebuild. Im naturally a positive person so im vonvinced that will happen.

Much love everyone. Have a lovely Easter x

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Fri Mar 30, 2018 11:25 am

Thanks James. That’s a very lovely thing to say.
I have the best of both worlds this wkend, 2 days with my kids to start with and the rest of the wkend with my man.

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Fri Mar 30, 2018 11:45 am

Thanks James

As a naturally positive person too I still have hope that if the court orders contact, which is pretty much guaranteed, he will feel better very quickly and we can start again. I won’t give up totally until after the hearing.

Have a lovely Easter weekend.

Lillie xx

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Sat Mar 31, 2018 11:04 am

Hi everyone

Well he did contact me eventually and as I suspected he had received court paperwork that made him feel despondent. We always used to read through that stuff together because he never sees the good in anything and I can. But he reads it alone, gets more and more down and sends me snippets of stuff that upsets him. In the bits he did send me there was so much positive, direct contact with his children within 3 months, funded special help to undo the damage she’s done to them and if she tries to obstruct then straight back to court. He can’t see any of this. So I’ve taken a chance and I’ve come over to do a bit of shopping and I’ve invited him to meet me for lunch and bring the paperwork. I truly hope he does otherwise he will work himself into a pit of misery he will struggle to climb out of. I spoke to a guy I work with who is bipolar. He said when I told people to leave me alone it was actually the last thing I wanted. If they did it gave me permission to forget them. He may come to lunch he may not, I can but try. I’ve got an offer of a drink with a friend later so it’s not a lost cause coming here.

Enjoy your weekends

Lillie xxx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Sat Mar 31, 2018 4:23 pm

Good luck Lillie. I hope you get to meet xx

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Sun Apr 01, 2018 4:33 pm

Hi Ariane

Yes we did meet up for an hour or so. I didn’t hear from him until 4.00 though and was about to give up when I got a message saying he had been in bed with a migraine so couldn’t meet for lunch. We had a few drinks and a chat, he hugged and kissed me goodbye and said he was going clubbing with his mates that evening, but I got a message this morning saying he didn’t go clubbing as he was too tired. I sent him a text back saying I love and care about him and that a few weeks ago lovely, caring, kind and considerate him came back for a short while but he’s locked away again and I miss him. I didn’t get a response. He either ignores messages like that or bites back quickly. I don’t know what the difference means.

I hope you have had a nice weekend xx

Lillie xx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:21 pm

Hi Lillie,
I am glad you got to meet albeit for a short period only but it positive that he didn’t go clubbing and getting drunk with his friends on the evening. I am not sure what to say about the lack of response to your text I can only imagine the frustration.

I had a lovely wkend. I met my guy yesterday lunchtime. He asked me did I want to meet his friends (the couple with kids whose house we were due to have dinner a few weeks back) we had a great afternoon all together, his friends are lovely and it was very nice and relaxed. My guy and I left to get dinner. We had a very good chat where he told me the hardest thing he’s had to do in the last number of weeks was to admit his depression to me. He told me that the reason he pushed me away was because he was afraid he would hurt me like I was hurt before. He’s told me how much counselling has helped as did taking these steps towards new accommodation and new job. He then said that he’s glad he is now well enough mentally to feel that he can now call me his girlfriend again.
I stayed over as was planned, we watched a movie cuddled up on the couch.
Today we took it easy had late breakfast out, went to the movies and out for a couple of drinks before I went home.

lilliep
Posts: 187
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 1:53 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby lilliep » Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:36 pm

Hi Ariane

Really really pleased for you. I’m so glad he was brave enough to get help and that you are now officially his girlfriend again xx

Well the not drinking didn’t last sadly. He went out to a club night with his seriously unhelpful heavy drinking friends last night and didn’t get back in until this morning, so now he’s badly hungover and feeling sorry for himself. I’m all out of sympathy I’m afraid. I did manage to hopefully secure him some funding for the contact centre fees though so maybe that will lift his mood a bit when he feels human again.

Lillie xx

ariane
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 2:56 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby ariane » Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:06 pm

Thanks Lillie
I am happy but I remain cautious as the flip had happened so quickly before, I am anxious it may happen again.

Such a shame your man decided to go out. I really hope there’s positives coming out of the courts and that shapes him to become again the man he was.

Look after yourself xxx

mr.brightside
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:40 am

Re: Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

Postby mr.brightside » Wed Apr 04, 2018 3:04 pm

Ariane,
Happy to hear your Easter weekend went so well. Looks like with some help your man is starting to come out of it.

My long weekend was quiet and lonely. I've been missing my girl a lot. I've been doing a lot of meditations lately to try and calm my own nerves down and they seemed to have started to work. On Easter Monday evening I wrote a long but emotionally fairly neutral and non confrontational message to my girl, on one hand apologizing for my last outburst, and on the other hand reassuring her of my support. I've never actually used the word depression but I said I'd never give up on her and always support her in whatever she's going through. It's now been more than 24h since she read the message but she's not responded and I'm afraid she is not going to.

Still though, hasn't blocked me on WhatsApp, hasn't claimed her belongings from my place or sent mine back either... :(
Which is really confusing not cutting all the ties completely is still fuelling my hope and causing lots of pain...

Dunno if it's the depression or if she's simply set out to deliberately hurt me. I don't believe the latter, but the alternative doesn't give much hope either. Difficult to keep the hope. It would almost be easier, although temporary probably more painful, if she simply replied saying get lost, don't contact me again or I'm with someone new...

Other than that - James and others I've not mentioned, how are you keeping?

Mr.B


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