Depressed boyfriend has pushed me away

[mimosas]

Thankyou Lillie. I feel so numb this morning. I can't face anything today. The last glimmer of hope has gone. In reality I suppose that's a good thing but it certainly doesn't feel like it at the moment.

We all have a lot of healing to do. Love and strength to you all xx

[ariane]

Hi,

I did not sleep well. I am numb and very anxious.
Being discarded is such a horrible feeling. Like you Lillie, things were going so well I just don't know what's happened. Over the weekend while i was contacting him on messenger he was giving my messages thumbs down and thumbs up and this has puzzled me as i don't know what this means.
Yet i still try to justify his behaviour.
i have archived our conversation on whatsapp so its not the first thing i see when i open the app and I have blocked him on there.

Lillie, I know what you mean about stupid things, I have a new staff starting with me today whose name is Conor, my guy's name. and I am thinking why did i hire this guy?

I sent him one final message this morning to say that regardless of anything i wished him well. I also told him that if at any stage i removed him from fb, it wasn't because i was vindictive but because i need self-preservation. I finished by saying that i would not message him anymore and for him to get in touch with me to sort out the money thing.
I just do not have it or the energy within me to get angry anymore. Nice, kind and forgiving to a fault this is me... a forever doormat

The last few months took a lot out of me so it is probably a blessing in disguise. But the loneliness is there, i am most definitely having whatsapp messaging withdrawals. Out of all the weirdos i met through online dating, he seemed like a nice, genuine and normal guy. I now have my doubts these exist...

[lilliep]

Hi Ariane

Oh my goodness what a horrible coincidence your new starter has the same name. I’ve found a different route to work to avoid Leon now. I’m sorry to hear you didn’t sleep well. You are being very brave though, I can’t bring myself to Whatsapp block him yet. Like you I did archive our chat, but he popped up at lunchtime to tell me he has a flat inspection next week, so random it’s unreal. I didn’t reply and re-archived the chat.

I read an article in a Psychology journal today which said social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain. It goes on to say ghosting deprives people of social cues that allow them to regulate their own behaviour and creates a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control. Mental health professionals view ghosting as a form of emotional cruelty, it’s a passive aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars. It was quite a good article, finished by saying when someone ghosts you it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about them. Mimosas you should read this article too, I’ll send you the link if you like, it might help you feel better.

Take care

Lillie xx

[ariane]

I think I am at the poInt where I’d really like to get away from this forum. Is there anyway to private message and maybe create our own whatsapp group. As you were saying Lillie a survivor group, albeit not meeting as we are probably all widely spread

[lilliep]

Hi Ariane

That sounds like a really good idea, count me in.

Lillie xx

[mimosas]

Lillie yes please I would appreciate the link to the article. Ariane I don't think there is a private message facility on here but I am more than happy to post my phone number ( its a Spanish number) and i can delete it once all who are interested have whatsapped me... what do you all think?

[arwen2018]

Ariane, Lillie and Mimosas, I like the idea of a survivor group. This forum isn’t helpful after a while, especially if you’re trying to move on. Not sure how we would do it without compromising our privacy ....

xxx

[arwen2018]

I have an idea.

One of us could create a closed Facebook Group that we would then request to join. The admin person would then vet the request and accept or refuse. From the group, we can then move to Messenger or WhatsApp chats if we wanted to. What do you think?

[mr.brightside]

Lillie,

Like Mimosas I'd be interested in reading this article too. If you could post the link to it please, that would be really nice of you. Agree with you, ghosting is another modern form of psychological cruelty. It's humiliating and deprives you of your own sense of self worth. Depression or not, they're not excused behaving this way!

Thanks!

MrB

[lilliep]

Hi Mimosas and Mr B

This is the article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... ts-so-much

It’s really interesting reading and whilst I haven’t been ghosted as such if helped. I hope it helps you both too.

If privacy is an issue there is a messaging app that doesn’t require you to reveal phone numbers. It’s called KiK. I’m pretty easy on how we communicate so I’ll go with whatever everyone else prefers

Lillie x